Volume 32
UCSD Has Crazy Housing Inequality!!!
I am Hermit the Crab, a freshman at UC San Diego and the first non-human to enroll in the school’s history. I major in Real Estate …
Susan Bagel: Cinnamon Rolls
Cinnamon rolls are a time- consuming endeavor — one that requires a certain steeling of the soul. Nana Bagel reminded me of this time and time …
UCSD Forces Students to View ‘Image that Kills You’
“Eh, I’ve seen worse,” said one particularly avid Reddit user.Photo by Amit Roth The UC San Diego administration announced its plans to add a new general …
OceanView Terrace Now ‘Serving Cunt’
“I hope the homosexuals feel safe now,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After months of “complicated and tense” deliberation within UC San Diego Housing, Dining …
Woman Holds Auditions to Find Valentine
“Is this an entry level relationship?” asked one recent graduate.Photo by Farhad Taporevala Hope Lise, a 28-year-old San Diego local, announced on social media that she …
UCSD Overhauls Remedial Math
“THWwACK,” said one anonymous ruler.Photo by Ariel Chen After a recent faculty report exposed “really scary” deficits in student mathematics preparedness, Chancellor Pradeep Khosla will begin …
WHERE ARE MY DESIGNER BABIES??? vs. Get More Creative
Point: WHERE ARE MY DESIGNER BABIES??? Prepping to be La Jolla’s best mother is no easy task. Our future princess Jadelynne has to be perfect — …
Celebrities Have Lost Touch with Reality vs. Respectfully, I’m a Little Freaked Out Right Now
Point: Celebrities Have Lost Touch with Reality The time was 22:55. I just got off work and eagerly made my way to my home office. I …
