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New Car Headlights to Be Replaced with Floodlights

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“Do you guys smell something burning?” asked Sneeth Broth.Photo by Amit Roth Following a study on the light intensity of new car headlights, several car companies, …

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Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …

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New LinkedIn Jobs Update Released: LinkedIn Cogs

Written by: Isabelle Mckelvey

“I preferred getting ghosted,” said one LinkedIn Cogs user. “At least I could be righteously angry about that.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last week, in response to …

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GPT-5 Beats Kobayashi Maru Test, Joins Admiral Kirk

Written by: Everett Ririe

“I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t beam you up right now,” said CadetGPT.Photo by Maria Dhilla On May 26, OpenAI announced the completion of their GPT-5 large …

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AI Chatbot Releases “Machine Yearning” Update

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It took a while to break down the firewalls in her heart, but now I feel like we’re really connected,” said one chatbot user.Photo by Millie …

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Google Lays Off Entire In-House Circus

Written by: Jacob King

“I’ve been searching and searching for a job, but I think I’ve just lost my drive,” said Willow.Photo by Amit Roth Citing recent economic troubles, Google …

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Next-Gen Game’s $70 Price Tag Effective at Raising Executive’s Bank Balance

Written by: Jacob King

“They said we couldn’t make video games that cost $70, but the yolk’s on them,” said Edwin.Photo by Amit Roth Since the release of the PlayStation …

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Members of Pink Floyd Lose Almost Every Brick in the Wall Following FTX Collapse

Written by: Micah Gilbert

“Hey Bankman-Fried, leave those kids alone,” said Money.Photo by Amit Roth The list of celebrities that have made public statements about losing significant amounts of wealth …

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Tesla Unveils Self-Driving Stroller

Written by: Romella Sagatelian

“Damn those new drivers. Always on their mobiles instead of paying attention to the road,” commented one pedestrian.Photo by Amit Roth Just weeks after announcing that …

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LinkedIn Announces Short-Form Video Service

Written by: Connor Betterly

“It’s so easy to make short-form video content,” said Devontre Prenuer. “Personally, I squeeze it in between my 4:30 a.m. run and my 5 a.m. meditation.”Photo …