Tech
Students Trapped in Pokéballs Following Canvas Hack
RIMAC to be converted to fighting-type gym.Photo by Amit Roth On May 7, ShinyHunters, a self-proclaimed “white hat” cybercrime ring, compromised schoolwork platform Canvas. In additon …
Rumor Mills Shut down Nationwide, Gossip Majors Left Scrambling
“The Shrimp Jesus situation isn’t just crazy, it’s scandalous,” produced ChatGPT.Photo by Dylan Schmidt A record number of rumor mills have closed down operations nationwide, leaving …
Pharmaceutical Company Unveils New ‘Soma’ Wellness Pills
On March 8, Bernard Huxley, CEO of “wellness corporation” HuxleyHealth, which offers Instagram Reel–based primary care and supplementals announced BigBrother would be releasing a line of …
Film Bros Endangered Following Rise of Short-Fern Content
“Ah— ahh— ahh—” said multiple videos the film bros scrolled past.”Photo by Lilia Sanchez After the discovery of the new invasive media species Shortfernicus slopicus (common …
Man Achieves Fame and Fortune Following Nine-Paragraph-Long LinkedIn Post
“Sure, I can generate a caption for you!” produced Grok.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, newly “loaded” millionaire Michael Gates posted an extensive soliloquy on LinkedIn …
UCSD Unveils New AI Therapist
“What an interesting query — have you tried using UCSD CAPS?” generated the AI therapist.Photo by Amit Roth Following widespread student complaints about the lack of …
Stable Diffusion Kills Last Horse
A sequel Umamusume game will reportedly be based on dogfighting.Photo by Amit Roth L ast night, the World Wild- life Fund (WWF) announced that the last …
Ditto AI Pivots to Circus Industry
“I saw a giraffe with two necks and no feet,” said one visitor. Widely regarded as the source of “all those annoying posters on campus,” matchmaking service Ditto AI has decided to take advantage…
Facebook’s Metaverse Ported to the Collective Unconscious
“I tried to watch ‘The Social Network’ last week, and they deleted my occipital lobe,” said one user.Photo by Amit Roth Meta’s Metaverse, formerly known as …
Billboards in Silicon Valley ‘Go Rogue’
“Is this like a weird porn thing?” asked one concerned driver.Photo by Amit Roth The high-tech industry, quartered in California’s Silicon Valley, continues to apply AI …
