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Congress Announces a Bipartisan Skincare Line

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“Wearing this skincare product makes me feel 40 years younger. I might even start voting Democrat again,” testified Senator McConnell.Photo by Julia Wong House Speaker Nancy …

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President Dreám Announces Face Reveal

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This past week, the newly-elected president of L’manburg announced to his constituents that he would be doing a “face reveal” following the conclusion of his campaign. …

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Angry Local Politician Hates American Education System, But Not for the Same Reasons as Everyone Else

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“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Maria Dhilla On October 3rd, Florida state representative Glenn Miller …

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Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister

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Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …

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Amidst Recession Fears, U.S. Federal Reserve Adopts New Monetary Policy of “Get Your Money Up”

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“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Julia Wong After two quarters of negative economic growth and …

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The U.S. to Start Broadcasting All Court Proceedings Following Popularity of Heard-Depp Trial

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One attorney concluded, “I rest my case, just like I rest on this MyPillow.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the White House announced a new executive …

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Chancellor Khosla Sleeps Through Campus Abortion Rights Protest

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“Sleep is for the weak. Thankfully, it’s Thursday,” said Khosla.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the leaked draft opinion on Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health, …

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Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil

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After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …

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CDC Recommends Hiding Vaccines Under Mashed Potatoes to Get Anti-Vaxxers to Take Their Medicine

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“The worst part wasn’t the vaccine — it was the fact that the Dino Nuggets were touching the mac ‘n’ cheese,” complained Hetfield.Photo by Robin Brewin In …

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Aides Refuse to Reveal Secret to Queen’s Long Life as 70th Year of Rule Approaches

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The Church of England will now accept small children as tithe.Photo by Maria Dhilla As Queen Elizabeth II approaches her 70th year of rule, the Commonwealth …