Politics
Trump Discovered to Be Immune to Every Disease, Including ‘Rule of Law’
“That’s right,” Donald Trump said. “My bloodstream rejects all foreign bodies!”Photo by Dylan Towner and Amit Roth Last Tuesday, a “groundbreaking” medical discovery was announced by …
Congressional Committee Distracted by Fly
“Kids these days have terrible attention spans… Wait, what’s that?” asked Senator Joe Manchin.Photo by Erica Rosslee A closed-door hearing for the Joint Congressional Committee on …
Goodnight Moon Challenged in Schools After Debate Regarding Moon’s Existence
“It’s time for us to say goodnight to the nefarious influence of this book,” said one parent.Photo by Millie You The string of conservative-led book bans …
Associated Students Pledges to Fund Federal Government in Case of Shutdown
“I knew there was a reason we had all those CIA recruiters here,” said one third-year student.Photo by Millie You In the wake of ousting Kevin …
Dianne Feinstein Ruled ‘Fit for Office’ After Death
“Why bring in new blood when you can have old blood?” asked Jefferson.Photo by Millie You In response to criticism of California Governor Gavin Newsom’s decisions …
Guy Fieri Announces Bid for California Senate Seat with Diners, Drive-Ins and Democracy
“If he can beat Bobby Flay, he can do anything,” voiced one voter.Photo by Connor Betterly On Tuesday, February 14, longtime California senator Dianne Feinstein announced …
Board of Education Investigates Chromosome “Homolog Agenda” in Biology Curriculums
“It’s Adam and Eve, not adenine and guanine,” insisted one parent.Photo by Sharon Roth Despite its widespread acceptance as part of a standard biology curriculum, parents …
Taiwan Bids to Be America’s New Asian Sweetheart in 2023
“Our company stands for ‘Taiwan Says ’Murica’s Cool!’” said the president of TSMC.Photo by Julia Wong In a statement released January 1, 2023, Taiwan announced a …
Student Debt Relief to Be Distributed via Ticketmaster Verified Fan Presale
“2,000th in line? I know this pain all too well!” stated one fan.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, the U.S. Department of Education revealed that student …
Congress Announces a Bipartisan Skincare Line
“Wearing this skincare product makes me feel 40 years younger. I might even start voting Democrat again,” testified Senator McConnell.Photo by Julia Wong House Speaker Nancy …
