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Trump Discovered to Be Immune to Every Disease, Including ‘Rule of Law’

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“That’s right,” Donald Trump said. “My bloodstream rejects all foreign bodies!”Photo by Dylan Towner and Amit Roth Last Tuesday, a “groundbreaking” medical discovery was announced by …

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UCSD to Release Anime Featuring John Muir, Roger Revelle as Romantic Leads

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“We need another college named after a woman,” said one Archive of Our Own writer. “I need a yuri series next.”Photo by Julia Wong Touted by …

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Khosla Declares UCSD Tuition ‘Too Low’

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“I’m proud to announce that we no longer have students living under the poverty line,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Justin Xu At a recent press conference, …

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Iowa Becomes First Woman-Free State

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“How can I be a misogynist when I don’t even miss the women?” asked Governor Mannington.Photo by Amit Roth In the six months following the enactment …

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Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism vs Fuck You, I’m Mickey Mouse

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POINT: Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism Back in my day, characters could only be owned by a company for about 14 …

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iPads Mandated in UCSD Classrooms

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Students are reportedly bringing back the tradition of putting an Apple on the teachers desk.Photo by Amit Roth In preparation for Spring 2024 course registration, UC …

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Technology Is So Cool. I Can’t Wait to Live In the Future! vs. Please Leave the Doctor’s Office; Your Subscription to Amazon Health Has Expired

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POINT: Technology Is So Cool. I Can’t Wait to Live In the Future! Dudes and dudettes, brace yourselves for the upcoming awesomeness that is the future! …

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UCSD Implements Official Land Acknowledgment ‘Thanks to ChatGPT’

Written by: http://a%20href=#molongui-disabled-linkAbby%20Offenhauser/a

“As a human representative of this university, I am not contractually obligated to show empathy,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Alongside an announcement released by …

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MOM’s Adopts a Child

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“We’re not a mom and pop shop, we’re a mom and mom shop!” said Mah Mi.Photo by Connor Betterly In 1967, MOM’s (Middle of Muir) Café …

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Man Gets What He Wants by Wishing upon a Star

Written by: http://a%20href=#molongui-disabled-linkErin%20Yao/a

“I tried to wish on the star too,” said Richard #29, “but nothing happened.”Photo by Dylan Schmidt In a series of events reported as “rare” by …