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Eighth College Mandates Construction GE Beginning Fall Quarter

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“I heard this was a really easy class,” said one Eighth College student, “but the hats are so hard.”Photo by Sharon Roth and Connor Betterly In …

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UCSD Cuts Costs by Hiring Giant Eyeball to Proctor Exams

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“It’s a lie,” said one student. “If someone dies during the test, you don’t automatically get an A.”Photo by Amit Roth As students walk into their …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Biology Debuts Discussion Sections with 300 Students

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“Let’s get that kiss cam goin’!” exclaimed one student.Photo by Sharon Roth The Epstein Family Amphitheater hosted the Department of Biological Sciences’ Shame ’n’ Sack Showdown …

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MLB Hires Striking TV Show Writers

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“I’m gonna be great at this whole baseball thing,” said one writer. “I’ve already nailed my opening pitch.”Photo by Jacob King and Maria Dhilla Shortly after …

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Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status

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“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …

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Professional Sports Have Become Predictable

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What’s the deal with sports these days? When I was a kid, there were still new narratives and new agendas being pushed. We had Michael Jordan …

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Professors Start Evaluating Students Through New GRADE Program

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UC San Diego is currently considering ways to incorporate GRADEs into students’ cumulative GPAs.Photo by Maria Dhilla After experiencing success with the CAPE program, professors have …

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GPT-5 Beats Kobayashi Maru Test, Joins Admiral Kirk

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“I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t beam you up right now,” said CadetGPT.Photo by Maria Dhilla On May 26, OpenAI announced the completion of their GPT-5 large …

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God Continues to Send Prophetic Dreams to Man Who Never Remembers His Dreams

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“The rain is looking a little red, and there have been a lot of frogs and locusts, but I think that’s just climate change,” said Palm.Photo …

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We Should Respectfully Ask HDH to Charge Less for Food vs Hop In Comrade, We’re Seizing the Means of Production

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Point: We Should Respectfully Ask HDH to Charge Less for Food Look, I know that we’re all getting annoyed at the fact that HDH always seems …