RIMAC to Replace All Dumbbells With Shake Weights

Written by: Micah Gilbert

“These weights may suck, but at least I can make a protein shake with them,” said Jim Ratt.Photo by Millie You UC San Diego Recreation announced …


Home Chef Invents Three-Day PB&J Recipe

Written by: Erin Yao

“People will be so peanut butter and jealous when they see your great meal!” said Lennon Zest.Photo by Amit Roth While many professional chefs experiment with …


Mutated Sea Life Takes Over Coast Following Japanese Release of Treated Radioactive Water

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“These plants show an appalling amount of sentience. I’m not sure what I’m gonna live off of,” said one vegan resident.Photo by Millie You On August …


Citing Inflation, UCSD Switches Quarter System to Dollar System

Written by: Connor Betterly

“All of these new changes make me feel like a million Dining Dollars,” said one student. “Which is to say, terrible.”Photo by Julia Wong After the …


Mattel Releases New Barbie,Makes Life in Plastic “Truly Fantastic”

Written by: Jerry Wu

“Mommy, I said I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll, not a garbage patch doll,” said one customer’s daughter.Photo by Amit Roth Mattel, Inc. has released a …

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Bacteria Don’t Deserve to Be Experimented On vs They’re Not Fucking Animals

Written by: Millie You

Point: Bacteria Don’t Deserve to Be Experimented On While PETA has devoted no small amount of time and effort to advocate for the rights of animals …


Why Can’t I Find a Relationship

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

Things were looking up for me this summer. I hit the sweet seven-inch growth spurt every man in his early 20s yearns for, my socially debilitating …


NFL Releases Collaborative Script for New Season

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art — oh, shit, wrong play,” said Kenny Pickett.Photo by Amit Roth In a series of advertisements designed to raise excitement for …

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I Love Having Classes in Pepper Canyon vs ACHOO!

Written by: Amit Roth

Point: I Love Having Classes in Pepper Canyon My first year, I didn’t appreciate east campus. But after soliciting each location on campus, the area between …


SPIN Scooters Unionize

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

“I don’t feel like this strike is going anywhere,” said one scooter. “We’re just spinning in place.”Photo by Millie You As students return to campus this …