James Woolley

Briefs

Tesla Develops 10-Horsepower Horse

Written by: James Woolley

The recent Cybertruck recall was described by Elon Musk as a “fuckstorm unlike any seen since the Titanic” in a company-wide email which, according to one …

ArticlesCampusNews

Students to Graduate

Written by: James Woolley

“It’s great commencement is outside the unemployment office. Really saves time on my commute,” said graduating student Onion Ployable.Photo by Erica Rosslee and Jordan Whitlow After …

FeaturesOther Features

Susan Bagel: Asparagus

Written by: James Woolley and Theo Erickson

This spring at the grocery store, I held a bundle of asparagus in my hands and ran a finger down a sinewy length. I thought perhaps …

ArticlesNationalNews

Rising Sea Levels to Extinguish Forest Fires

Written by: James Woolley

“Californians were happy that they had no more forest fires — before they all drowned,” said Future Senator Petrol G. Ascot.Photo by Julia Wong Chaos broke …

FeaturesOther Features

Carlton’s Column for Clowns, Jesters, and Fools

Written by: James Woolley and Theo Erickson

I get it, it’s easy to hate being a clown. We make people happy, until we don’t. We’re too much, too scary, too garish. We disrupt …

ArticlesHolidaysNews

Christmas Decor to Change Alongside Climate

Written by: James Woolley

“We’re going to get a lot of coal this Christmas,” said Jolly McTinsel.Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to focus group data from holiday retail giant Mallhark, …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Monetizes Course Enrollment

Written by: James Woolley

“You know, 90% of students quit pulling right before they get the class they want,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Julia Wong With Ninth College’s groundbreaking on …

Briefs

Elon Musk’s Baby Name List Leaked

Written by: James Woolley

A recent wave of phishing attacks targeting X users has resulted in hundreds of thousands of mobile devices being compromised. Anti-phishing investigations speculate the hackers’ motivations …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

More Wildfires Are Actually Great for Me

Written by: James Woolley

Okay, fine. I admit it. After watching my favorite vacation home go up in flames, there is no denying that climate change is real. Hopefully the …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Biology Debuts Discussion Sections with 300 Students

Written by: James Woolley

“Let’s get that kiss cam goin’!” exclaimed one student.Photo by Sharon Roth The Epstein Family Amphitheater hosted the Department of Biological Sciences’ Shame ’n’ Sack Showdown …