Holidays

ArticlesHolidaysNews

Scientists Discover Long-Lost Thanksgiving Music

Written by:

“I’m so glad I have something to play loudly during dinner so I don’t have to talk to my family,” said Thanksgiving music enthusiast Davide Strallman.Photo …

ArticlesCampusHolidaysNews

Student Finds Four-Leaf Clover on Sun God Lawn, Wins Zoom Meeting With Leprechaun

Written by:

“Ten more minutes and I’m lepre-GONE,” grumbled the leprechaun.Photo By Julia Wong Earlier this week, third-year UCSD student Stacey Greene was taking a break from her …

ArticlesHolidaysNews

Groundbreaking Study Finds Average New Year’s Resolution Is Only Kept for 25 Minutes

Written by:

“New hour, new me,” said Debilis.Photo by Jack Yang The National Academy of Sciences recently published a study showing that the average New Year’s resolution is …

ArticlesHolidaysNewsOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesTech

Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs

Written by:

Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …