Madeline Mozafari

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New Car Headlights to Be Replaced with Floodlights

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“Do you guys smell something burning?” asked Sneeth Broth.Photo by Amit Roth Following a study on the light intensity of new car headlights, several car companies, …

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It’s Not Hazing vs I Can’t See Anything in This Fog

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

This generation makes everything so dramatic. Along with your need to label everything with made-up words like “hazing,” you little twerps like to get so upset …

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My Study Abroad Experience Changed My Life and You’re Going to Hear About It Whether You Want to or Not

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

How was my summer? Oh, just incredible! I lived in Italy for two whole months. Yeah, it was a really formative experience. I was in a …

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Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …

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UC San Diego Bans Sale of Caffeinated Beverages

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“Caffeine is technically a drug,” noted one police officer. “That means it should be illegal.”Photo by Amit Roth Citing a new study by Dr. Walter Jolt-a-Lot, …

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Organic Chemistry Is Made Up

Written by: Micah Gilbert and Madeline Mozafari

I simply cannot do it anymore. I cannot suspend my belief in the way of the world and pretend that I understand what the hell an …

Briefs

Local Student Stops Getting Gas, Car Still Runs “Just Fine”

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

Sophie Pubb, a third-year math major at UCSD, reportedly stopped filling the gas tank of her 1999 Honda Civic after two weeks of back-to-back midterms at …

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Horoscopes for February 8, 2023

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

Aquarius – Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 Happy Aquarius season! This month, your power-ups include finding pennies on the ground, never pulling a muscle at the …

Briefs

Starbucks’ Holiday Cups Cost Extra This Year

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

After years of Novemberly outrage about Starbucks’ holiday red cups, the coffee company has elected to make the controversial cups an add-on to their drinks instead …