Madeline Mozafari
Horoscopes – May 2024
⦿ Gemini ⦿ May 21 – June 20Happy Gemini season! This month, your power-ups include perfectly reheating pizza, doing one point better than average on your …
Clocks Fail to Change for Daylight Saving Time, No One Notices
This past weekend, Daylight Saving Time was scheduled to begin, with all clocks to “spring forward” an hour. However, Americans across the country woke up this …
New Car Headlights to Be Replaced with Floodlights
“Do you guys smell something burning?” asked Sneeth Broth.Photo by Amit Roth Following a study on the light intensity of new car headlights, several car companies, …
It’s Not Hazing vs I Can’t See Anything in This Fog
This generation makes everything so dramatic. Along with your need to label everything with made-up words like “hazing,” you little twerps like to get so upset …
My Study Abroad Experience Changed My Life and You’re Going to Hear About It Whether You Want to or Not
How was my summer? Oh, just incredible! I lived in Italy for two whole months. Yeah, it was a really formative experience. I was in a …
Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status
“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …
UC San Diego Bans Sale of Caffeinated Beverages
“Caffeine is technically a drug,” noted one police officer. “That means it should be illegal.”Photo by Amit Roth Citing a new study by Dr. Walter Jolt-a-Lot, …
Organic Chemistry Is Made Up
I simply cannot do it anymore. I cannot suspend my belief in the way of the world and pretend that I understand what the hell an …
Local Student Stops Getting Gas, Car Still Runs “Just Fine”
Sophie Pubb, a third-year math major at UCSD, reportedly stopped filling the gas tank of her 1999 Honda Civic after two weeks of back-to-back midterms at …
