Features

These are features from the newspaper. Centerspread and Backspread can also be found in their respective pages.

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Susan Bagel: Asparagus

Written by: James Woolley and Theo Erickson

This spring at the grocery store, I held a bundle of asparagus in my hands and ran a finger down a sinewy length. I thought perhaps …

Back PageFeatures

Chud and the Heartthrobs

Written by: The MQ

Center SpreadFeatures

The MQ’s Last Supper

Written by: The MQ

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The MQ’s Cat Boutique

Written by: The MQ

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Horoscopes – May 2024

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

⦿ Gemini ⦿ May 21 – June 20Happy Gemini season! This month, your power-ups include perfectly reheating pizza, doing one point better than average on your …

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The MQ Catches a Leprechaun

Written by: The MQ

Center SpreadFeatures

Ursa Missing: The Case of the Stolen Statue

Written by: The MQ

Hello, reader. I know my reputation as a world-famous literary detective precedes me. But, I will condescend to say that this week, I, Detective Sebastian Stone, …

Back PageFeatures

The MQ’s Spring Break

Written by: The MQ

We know how you feel after Winter Quarter — destroyed, defeated, and delirious. We only have 168 hours to feel better before Spring Quarter starts, so …

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Carlton’s Column for Clowns, Jesters, and Fools

Written by: James Woolley and Theo Erickson

I get it, it’s easy to hate being a clown. We make people happy, until we don’t. We’re too much, too scary, too garish. We disrupt …

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Word Search for Inner Truth

Written by: The MQ