Campus
UC Regents Approves UCPD Request for 1,000 Rubber Ducks
“Somehow, the ducks have more training than the UCPD,” said fourth-year student Ana Platt.Photo by Jordan Whitlow At the University of California Regents meeting on September …
UCSD Dining Halls To Become Allergy-Hostile
“HDH is really covering all their bases with this allergen stuff,” said Shelly Fisher. “They’re even making all their silverware out of nickel!”Photo by Dylan Schmidt …
Marshall Student Gets ‘Just OK’ Haircut
“Get 11 haircuts and your 12th one is the same price as the other 11! Wouldn’t want youto stand out,” said one local barber.Photo by Liv …
UCSD to Hold Crow-Killing Event for Halloween
“Actually, I’m pretty sure these are ravens,” said ornithologist Richard Roper.Photo by Dylan Schmidt This Sunday, Vice Chancellor Alistar Ornth announced that UC San Diego would …
Geisel Library Hours Cut to 27 Minutes Per Week
According to a recent report, the number of books being borrowed from the library has remained unaffected.Photo by Liv Gilbert Effective this school year, UC San …
UCSD Student Uses School Health Insurance
“I’m really glad people are finally starting to use our resources!” said UC Health oozeologist Alexander Dribble. “We’ve seen an ∞% increase from zero to one …
Birch Aquarium to Partner with HDH to Recoup Losses During Renovation
“Some of these fish will kill you, but so would some other dining hall food,” saidFoodworx employee Jade Diaz.Photo by Erica Rosslee This month, Birch Aquarium …
UCSD To Be Sold to Satan
“Damn it… or is that too soon?” one student asked.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Since becoming the subject of much controversy after his alleged mishandling of the …
Scripps Institute of Oceanography to Annex Surrounding Beach Homes
“Talk about trickle-down economics — my hardwood is ruined!” said one La Jolla resident.Photo by Amit Roth The Scripps Institute of Oceanography (SIO) annex of UC …
Toxic Workplace Environments Perfect for Crop Growth
The phrase “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was found to be one of the most reliable fertilizers.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After world hunger was solved during Summer Session II, the …