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Professor Shows Subway Surfers Gameplay Videos During Lecture

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Professor Ious is now allowing students to use Subway Surfers Coins to buy power-ups on exams.Photo by Julia Wong During this year’s winter class registration, students …

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Climate Activist Throws Taco Bell Food Items at Sun God, Students Rejoice

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“Scientists have said we’ll be on a time Crunchwrap even if we act now,” explained Daniel Gould.Photo by Amit Roth This past Friday at noon, on …

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HDH Recruits Gordon Ramsay to Fix Their “Kitchen Nightmares”

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“This chicken is so undercooked, it’s still crossing the road!” cried Ramsay.Photo by Julia Wong For years, students have rated their experience at the campus’ dining …

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ITS Announces Hiring of Carrier Pigeons to Improve ResNet Speeds

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“My carrier pigeon isn’t helping at all. It built a ResNest in my dorm!” exclaimed one student.Photo by James Woolley In response to growing complaints, UCSD’s …

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UCSD Announces New “DILF”-Focused Research Center to Promote Equality

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“This project has fathered many other studies,” said Simgod Friend.Photo by James Woolley Following the reveal of the Human Milk Institute, UCSD announced the Human Observation …

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Student Explodes After Discovering They’re An Extra on The Truman Show

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“What? It was time to BeReal,” said Snot.Photo by Sharon Roth A large commotion that “wasn’t a fire alarm for once” was reported by Sixth College …

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SPIN Scooter Claims First Life at UCSD Campus

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“My philosophy professor asked me what I would do when faced with the trolley problem,” said one SPIN user. “Today I found out.”Photo by Julia Wong …

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Professor Branches Out to Streaming Professionally After Lecture Recordings Succeed

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“I got banned from Twitch chat,” alleged one student. “Can I still pass the class?”Photo by Amit Roth The COVID-19 pandemic forced many aspects of modern …

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UCSD to Sell Triton2Go Boxes as Christmas Presents for Future Biologists

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“When they said UCSD had a weird culture, this is not what I thought they meant,” said Wheatthins.Photo by Romella Sagatelian Last week, HDH announced that …

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UCSD Dining Hall Hires Skeleton Crew

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“The new employees have been really skimpy with the portions,” shared Belmont. “The burritos are bare bones.”Photo by Julia Wong Across UCSD, dining halls have struggled …