Justin Xu

Briefs

Dave Chappelle Sprains Elbow Punching Down

Written by: Justin Xu

Stand-up comic Dave Chappelle recently canceled all upcoming shows for the foreseeable future. “I woke up like I did any other day, thanking God for making …

ArticlesCampusNews

UC San Diego School of Medicine to Teach ‘Intro to Victim Blaming’

Written by: Justin Xu

“There’s a shortage of doctors in this country. This course will ensure an equivalent shortage of patients,” said Dr. Quickity Quack.Photo by Amit Roth and Farhad …

Briefs

Simon Cowell Judges Middle School Talent Show

Written by: Justin Xu

This past weekend, the students of Simon Cowell Middle School received a surprise visit from their namesake, along with his camera crew and production team. The …

ArticlesNationalNews

US Military Tours Homeless Encampments for Career Exploration

Written by: Justin Xu

This is an interesting conundrum,” said a member of the middle class. “I respect the troops, but I hate the homeless.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow This past …

ArticlesCampusNews

Khosla Declares UCSD Tuition ‘Too Low’

Written by: Justin Xu

“I’m proud to announce that we no longer have students living under the poverty line,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Justin Xu At a recent press conference, …