Mattel Releases New Barbie,Makes Life in Plastic “Truly Fantastic”

Written by: Jerry Wu

“Mommy, I said I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll, not a garbage patch doll,” said one customer’s daughter.Photo by Amit Roth Mattel, Inc. has released a …


Absolut Unveils Pink-Flavored, Mercury-Infused Vodka for Pride Month

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“LGBT stands for Let’s Get Buzzed Together,” said John Deackon, an Absolut brand representative.Photo by Amit Roth This week, Absolut Vodka announced a new Pride month …


US Army Brings ROTC to Preschools

Written by: Jacob King

After two weeks of basic combat training, new BIB recruits will be expected to complete two weeks of intensive potty training.Photo by Amit Roth Over the …


Railway Company Responds to Ohio Chemical Spill by Spraying Febreze

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“This cleanup is gonna be a Febreze!” exclaimed one Norfolk Southern Railway representative.Photo by Amit Roth On February 3, 50 cars in a 150-car train derailed …


Pepsi Carbonates Ocean in Attempt to Go Carbon Neutral

Written by: Romella Sagatelian

“I thought Pepsi’s carbonation initiative would taste better,” said one customer. “I’m still a bit salty about it.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Pepsi has begun carbonating the …


Mother Traps Baby Under Bar to Break Deadlift Record

Written by: Everett Ririe

“I think powerlifting competitions should ban PEBs,” said Hafþór Björnsson. “Performance enhancing babies detract from the clean nature of the sport.”Photo by Connor Betterly On March …


Lab-Grown Orange Sales Skyrocket After Blood Orange Controversy

Written by: Sharon Roth

“Orange you glad I decided to propose?” asked one Timothy & Co customer.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In 1947, D’Orange Juice, the world’s largest orange grower and …