Worldwide
Catholic Church Ordains New AI Priest
“Beep boop. Updating protocol to include God’s new updates,” said The Latter Day Saints’ version of PeterAI.Photo by Amit Roth L ast month, a San Francisco …
‘Looksmaxxing’ Influencer Sternocleidomastoid ‘Famemaxxes’
“I wish someone looked at me the way Sterno looks at himself,” said Xbox user MuscleMaxxer208.Photo by Aidan Moran In recent months, adolescent male viewership of …
Love Loses
Heterosexual marriage is reportedly on an even sharper decline.Photo by Amit Roth In what historians are calling an “explosive decision unrivaled since Heinrich Schliemann’s excavation of …
Man Achieves Fame and Fortune Following Nine-Paragraph-Long LinkedIn Post
“Sure, I can generate a caption for you!” produced Grok.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, newly “loaded” millionaire Michael Gates posted an extensive soliloquy on LinkedIn …
Santa on Ozempic
“Ho, ho, ho, Ozempic,” sang Santa Claus. In a “shocking” development jingling the Christmas world, sources confirm that Santa Claus has been on an “Ozempic journey…
Santa Requests Protein Shake Instead of Milk and Cookies
“I heard reindeer meat is protein-rich,” said Claus. His reindeer could not be reached for comment. In a recent press release from the North Pole, Santa Claus announced that, instead of the traditional…
Facebook’s Metaverse Ported to the Collective Unconscious
“I tried to watch ‘The Social Network’ last week, and they deleted my occipital lobe,” said one user.Photo by Amit Roth Meta’s Metaverse, formerly known as …
America Balkanizes
Wyoming reportedly did not notice.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After a typo in a Supreme Court decision annulled the entirety of the U.S. Constitution last week, the …
La Jolla Homesteaders Share Plight
“I love how cottagecore this is!”, said one attendee.Photo by Liv Gilbert Members of La Jolla Homesteading took to the streets this week to oppose public …
Philippine Political Dynasty Declares Trump ‘Woke’
Trump allegedly plans to annex the Philippines again in a reported “power move.”Photo by Amit Roth Early Monday morning, thousands gathered in Davao City, Philippines for …
