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Philippine Political Dynasty Declares Trump ‘Woke’
Trump allegedly plans to annex the Philippines again in a reported “power move.”Photo by Amit Roth Early Monday morning, thousands gathered in Davao City, Philippines for …
Zombie Apocalypse Bankrupts Funeral Industry
“The zombies are to pay taxes,” announced Gavin Newsom in an executive order.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Between the recent zombie apocalypse and the subsequent chaos of …
Santa’s Reindeer Hunted as Trophies, Christmas Cancelled
“Rudolph tasted real good,” said successful bidder Maddysyn Merry.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Kristopher Nicholas Kringle Claus, or “Santa Claus,” as he is more commonly known, has …
BTS Member Declared Missing In Action; Reunion Delayed
Biden has reportedly promised “only the softest and sweetest of kisses for these poor, dear boys.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In an urgent press conference, HYBE Corporation …
Boeing ‘Nearly Fucked’
The new Boeing 737s will reportedly feature coin slots which must be continuouslyfed in order to keep the plane in the air.Photo by Liv Gilbert Amidst …
New Nobel Prize Category Announced
“The pen really is mightier than the sword,” said Hoofenshmirtz. “It allowed them to sign off on this bombshell announcement.”Photo by Millie You After 55 years, …
Mutated Sea Life Takes Over Coast Following Japanese Release of Treated Radioactive Water
“These plants show an appalling amount of sentience. I’m not sure what I’m gonna live off of,” said one vegan resident.Photo by Millie You On August …
ExxonMobil Claims Leaving Refrigerators Open Can Solve Climate Change
“Global warming is temporary, but commercial refrigerants are forever,” said ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In the wake of this year’s extreme weather, from …
U.S. Government Pledges Three Million in Thoughts and Prayers to Türkiye and Syria for Earthquake Relief
“I found the praying part easy, but the thought part is really difficult,” said Owntcare. “I’m waiting for more direction from the administration.”Photo by Millie You …
