Alabama Embryologists Adopt 873 Children

Written by: Katie Campbell

“Embryo #405 has great aspirations to become a teacher,” said Abbie Maker.Photo by Amit Roth Following the recent controversial ruling by Alabama’s Supreme Court, all frozen …


UCSD’s New Mental Health Initiative Is ‘Queering the Male Loneliness Binary’

Written by: Sylvia Terry

“I don’t even need to take this class,” said one workshop attendee. “I just treat every woman like my mother.”Photo by Madeline Mozafari Amid the recent …


Chancellor Khosla Announces New Evil Department

Written by: Cole Johnson

“Finally, I can pick the greater of two evils,” said one student.Photo by Dylan Schmidt An email sent by Chancellor Pradeep Khosla last Thursday announced that …


Las Vegas Consumed by Plague of Moths

Written by: Dylan Schmidt

“I was drawn to it like a moth to a… like a… like… um…” said one moth.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Only a few months after the …


TikTok Announces Opiate-Based User Retention Strategy

Written by: Aaron Sonin

“I can’t believe my friends just take whatever drugs companies push on them,” said one conference attendee, taking a hit from their Juul.Photo by Connor Betterly …


Khosla Converts Audrey Geisel House into Airbnb

Written by: Shayna Crasnick

“He keeps eating my freaking yogurt,” said one mansion resident.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Since Fall Quarter 2021, UC San Diego has faced an unprecedented housing crisis, …


Amazon and Boeing Announce Joint Microtransit Venture

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“Still beats flying with United,” said Ahsoak Ingwethi.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Jeff Bezos was flown to the stage by three drones to announce his latest venture, …


US Military Tours Homeless Encampments for Career Exploration

Written by: Justin Xu

This is an interesting conundrum,” said a member of the middle class. “I respect the troops, but I hate the homeless.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow This past …


Rising Sea Levels to Extinguish Forest Fires

Written by: James Woolley

“Californians were happy that they had no more forest fires — before they all drowned,” said Future Senator Petrol G. Ascot.Photo by Julia Wong Chaos broke …


UCSD to Introduce Mini-Triple Rooms

Written by: Naomika Nadkarni

“In this room, my mini fridge looks like a regular fridge,” said Cole Habitation.Photo by Naomika Nadkarni and James Woolley UC San Diego has announced it …