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Railway Company Responds to Ohio Chemical Spill by Spraying Febreze

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“This cleanup is gonna be a Febreze!” exclaimed one Norfolk Southern Railway representative.Photo by Amit Roth On February 3, 50 cars in a 150-car train derailed …

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UCSD Implements M.R.S. Degree to Increase Number of Women in STEM

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Following the success of the M.R.S. degree, UCSD is looking into creating a “house-husband” degree.Photo by Julia Wong Starting this spring, UC San Diego students will …

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AI Chatbot Releases “Machine Yearning” Update

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“It took a while to break down the firewalls in her heart, but now I feel like we’re really connected,” said one chatbot user.Photo by Millie …

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Seventh College Installs Decorative Solar Panels

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“The cord isn’t long enough to plug into the sun, what’d you expect?” asked the panel installation contractor.Photo by Kaz Nuckowski In an unprecedented strategy to …

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Google Lays Off Entire In-House Circus

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“I’ve been searching and searching for a job, but I think I’ve just lost my drive,” said Willow.Photo by Amit Roth Citing recent economic troubles, Google …

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Mother Traps Baby Under Bar to Break Deadlift Record

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“I think powerlifting competitions should ban PEBs,” said Hafþór Björnsson. “Performance enhancing babies detract from the clean nature of the sport.”Photo by Connor Betterly On March …

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Guy Fieri Announces Bid for California Senate Seat with Diners, Drive-Ins and Democracy

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“If he can beat Bobby Flay, he can do anything,” voiced one voter.Photo by Connor Betterly On Tuesday, February 14, longtime California senator Dianne Feinstein announced …

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UC San Diego Bans Sale of Caffeinated Beverages

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“Caffeine is technically a drug,” noted one police officer. “That means it should be illegal.”Photo by Amit Roth Citing a new study by Dr. Walter Jolt-a-Lot, …

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U.S. Lifts Regulations Around Public Works Projects

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“I love the new transportation system,” proclaimed one UCSD student. “Taking a trebuchet to school is teaching me so much about applied physics.”Photo by Amit Roth …

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Third-Year Math Major Forgets How to Spell Numbers

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“Why can’t I just use the letter ‘x’ to represent every number I have to spell? That would be so much easier,” remarked Calculus.Photo by Julia …