News
RIMAC to Replace All Dumbbells With Shake Weights
“These weights may suck, but at least I can make a protein shake with them,” said Jim Ratt.Photo by Millie You UC San Diego Recreation announced …
Home Chef Invents Three-Day PB&J Recipe
“People will be so peanut butter and jealous when they see your great meal!” said Lennon Zest.Photo by Amit Roth While many professional chefs experiment with …
Mutated Sea Life Takes Over Coast Following Japanese Release of Treated Radioactive Water
“These plants show an appalling amount of sentience. I’m not sure what I’m gonna live off of,” said one vegan resident.Photo by Millie You On August …
Citing Inflation, UCSD Switches Quarter System to Dollar System
“All of these new changes make me feel like a million Dining Dollars,” said one student. “Which is to say, terrible.”Photo by Julia Wong After the …
Mattel Releases New Barbie,Makes Life in Plastic “Truly Fantastic”
“Mommy, I said I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll, not a garbage patch doll,” said one customer’s daughter.Photo by Amit Roth Mattel, Inc. has released a …
Salk Researchers Find Chemicals in Water Supply
“Chemicals in the water supply? Next thing you know they’ll be putting chemicals in food!” said one parent.Photo by James Woolley In a new report from …
ExxonMobil Claims Leaving Refrigerators Open Can Solve Climate Change
“Global warming is temporary, but commercial refrigerants are forever,” said ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In the wake of this year’s extreme weather, from …
NFL Releases Collaborative Script for New Season
“Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art — oh, shit, wrong play,” said Kenny Pickett.Photo by Amit Roth In a series of advertisements designed to raise excitement for …
SPIN Scooters Unionize
“I don’t feel like this strike is going anywhere,” said one scooter. “We’re just spinning in place.”Photo by Millie You As students return to campus this …
Ninth College to Become UCPD’s New Training Center
“I wondered why my laptop wasn’t charging,” said one student. “Turns out they arrested my plug.”Photo by Amit Roth and Julia Wong UC San Diego Chancellor …
