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Pastor Denounces Middle East ‘Christians’
During last week’s Thursday service, Episcopal Inadventist Communion of Saints — an American Christian Evangelical church — Pastor-Shepherd Noah Beckett officially denounced “Satan’s last bastion in …
Love Loses
Heterosexual marriage is reportedly on an even sharper decline.Photo by Amit Roth In what historians are calling an “explosive decision unrivaled since Heinrich Schliemann’s excavation of …
You’re So Cute vs. No, You Are!
Point: You’re So Cute! The sun-bright construction lights lining Ridgewalk illuminated everything from the darkest corner of the Sixth College dorms to the trees of Torrey …
Ditto AI Pivots to Circus Industry
“I saw a giraffe with two necks and no feet,” said one visitor. Widely regarded as the source of “all those annoying posters on campus,” matchmaking service Ditto AI has decided to take advantage…
UCSD Declares War Against SDSU
Citing a need to “drum up school spirit,” UC San Diego’s Chancellor Khosla has officially declared war against San Diego State University, with his official casus …
Yuri Banned
“How will this affect Gaylor?” asked one protestor.Photo by Aidan Moran To combat the “troubling threat lesbians pose to American democracy,” President Trump issued an executive …
Masc Lesbian Faces Backlash for Outfit Choices
Local lesbian Alexander showed up to Eighth College orientation wearing a “green Weezer shirt, yellow khakis, and a fluorescent pink fanny pack” to the horror of …
Students Start ‘School Idol’ Group
Due to the reduction in UC San Diego’s budget, some students have begun to worry about the school’s lifespan. Motivated by these fears, a few “enthusiastic” …
UCSD Introduces ‘Low-Speed, No-Rail’ System
“I have yet to see a villain tie someone to the road,” one student commented.Photo by Amit Roth Amid a flurry of UC-wide budget cuts, UC …
ICE Sets Sights on Canadians
Following the Trump administration’s promise to “carry out the largest domestic deportation operation in American history,” random stops and arrests are on the rise. Despite the …
