Local lesbian Alexander showed up to Eighth College orientation wearing a “green Weezer shirt, yellow khakis, and a fluorescent pink fanny pack” to the horror of his group mates. Anonymous eyewitnesses stated that he “looked like a highlighter” and expressed hope that “he [would] stop wearing [that] out in public.” Campus discussion about the “guy with the Weezer shirt” prompted Alexander’s acquaintances to speak out about their experiences with his fashion choices.
“I just don’t get it,” Alexander’s roommate Janet lamented. “Isn’t he a lesbian? Aren’t you supposed to dress, like, good?” His girlfriend, Bailey, added, “I love him, but it’s hard to go on public dates with him. All the lesbians on TikTok wear cool things like carabiners and button-ups while Alex dresses like a horned-up teenage boy.”
When asked to comment, Alexander defended his fashion choices. “I think it’s gender to wear bold outfits,” he said, wearing a fedora and two unmatched socks. “Gender and fashion are both social constructs. You can make up whatever you want, however you want.”
“My eyes aren’t social constructs,” Bailey rolled her eyes. “And my mom won’t let you over if you keep wearing that AI-generated clown shirt.”
World-renowned rapper, set ordinance, and map direction, Patriarch Cardi(nal) previously ventured on a quest by the Basileus ton Rhomaion to find the elixir of life. Failing in this, he was then banished to live in the oubliette of the Méga Palátion in Constantinople — and now begs for those above the grate to "let him out of the pit."
