Local
La Jolla Coffee Shop to Require Three-Acre Land Ownership for Restroom Access
“Finally! A place where I can shit in opulence,” said one Sand&Foam guest.Photo by Amit Roth An upcoming amendment to the employee training guide of La …
Salk Researchers Find Chemicals in Water Supply
“Chemicals in the water supply? Next thing you know they’ll be putting chemicals in food!” said one parent.Photo by James Woolley In a new report from …
La Jolla Village Square Parking Lot Replaced With “The Pit”
“I love the pit,” said one Ralphs customer. “My 2005 Toyota Sienna went in, and a brand new Lamborghini came out.”Photo by Maria Dhilla On Sunday, …
God Continues to Send Prophetic Dreams to Man Who Never Remembers His Dreams
“The rain is looking a little red, and there have been a lot of frogs and locusts, but I think that’s just climate change,” said Palm.Photo …
Local Rancher Inconvenienced by New Breed of Spherical Cow
“I’ll never have to imagine a spherical cow again,” said one physics student.Photo by Millie You This February, cattle rancher Nicholas “Mixalot” Minhoj was “shocked” after …
Costco to Offer Medication Samples
“I love Costco,” said Davis. “I never knew prices so low could make me feel so high.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In a groundbreaking move last week, …
Physicists Run Out of Greek Letters
“I don’t get all this fuss. I thought one of the Greek letters was already nu,” said one physics student.Photo by Julia Wong A recent announcement …
Local Man Makes New Year’s Resolution to Become Worse in Every Way Possible
“I won’t stop until I’ve kicked 101 dalmatians,” vowed Fleming.Photo by Sophie Pubb At the start of every year, many Americans resolve to improve themselves in …
California Storm Drain Systems Augmented with Parched Clowns
“I’m really glad the government started taking the flooding seriously and stopped clowning around,” said Quin.Photo by Amit Roth As California braced itself for a torrent …
Starbucks Announces Pumpkin Spice Pumpkins
“Pumpkin spice pumpkins? What’s next, pumpkin spice pumpkin spice pumpkins?” wondered one customer.Photo by Amit Roth On October 1st, Starbucks announced an addition to their highly …
