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Local Gamer Embarks on ‘Relationship Nuzlocke’ to Legalize Polyamory

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“I’ve always been weak to normal types,” said Nico Franc.Photo by Connor Betterly Polyamory is rising in recognition and favorability among young people, but legal protections …

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Man Gets What He Wants by Wishing upon a Star

Written by: Erin Yao

“I tried to wish on the star too,” said Richard #29, “but nothing happened.”Photo by Dylan Schmidt In a series of events reported as “rare” by …

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Man ‘Halfway’ to Fluency Through Mahjong Playing

Written by: Theo Erickson

“Learning Literary Chinese through mahjong is as easy as 一二三,” said Scrooge.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala University City resident Whitley Scrooge has begun playing amateur mahjong on …

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La Jolla Coffee Shop to Require Three-Acre Land Ownership for Restroom Access

Written by: Theo Erickson

“Finally! A place where I can shit in opulence,” said one Sand&Foam guest.Photo by Amit Roth An upcoming amendment to the employee training guide of La …

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Salk Researchers Find Chemicals in Water Supply

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

“Chemicals in the water supply? Next thing you know they’ll be putting chemicals in food!” said one parent.Photo by James Woolley In a new report from …

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La Jolla Village Square Parking Lot Replaced With “The Pit”

Written by: Aaron Sonin

“I love the pit,” said one Ralphs customer. “My 2005 Toyota Sienna went in, and a brand new Lamborghini came out.”Photo by Maria Dhilla On Sunday, …

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God Continues to Send Prophetic Dreams to Man Who Never Remembers His Dreams

Written by: Theo Erickson

“The rain is looking a little red, and there have been a lot of frogs and locusts, but I think that’s just climate change,” said Palm.Photo …

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Local Rancher Inconvenienced by New Breed of Spherical Cow

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“I’ll never have to imagine a spherical cow again,” said one physics student.Photo by Millie You This February, cattle rancher Nicholas “Mixalot” Minhoj was “shocked” after …

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Costco to Offer Medication Samples

Written by: Connor Betterly

“I love Costco,” said Davis. “I never knew prices so low could make me feel so high.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In a groundbreaking move last week, …

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Physicists Run Out of Greek Letters

Written by: Pranav Reddy

“I don’t get all this fuss. I thought one of the Greek letters was already nu,” said one physics student.Photo by Julia Wong A recent announcement …