November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II

Connor Betterly

ArticlesCampusNews

What Hath God Wrought Gains Sentience, Nobody Notices

Written by: Connor Betterly

“As an AI language model, I am not programmed to have sentience,” blinked the pole when questioned by scientists.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Last fall, Revellian Alaoglu …

ArticlesCampusNews

Citing Inflation, UCSD Switches Quarter System to Dollar System

Written by: Connor Betterly

“All of these new changes make me feel like a million Dining Dollars,” said one student. “Which is to say, terrible.”Photo by Julia Wong After the …

Briefs

Lightning Union to Strike During October Solar Eclipse

Written by: Connor Betterly

Following in the footsteps of the recent SAG-AFTRA and UAW strikes, the United Lightning Bolts announced plans to strike starting on Friday, October 13, a “very …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Price Center Plaza Looks So Good Now! vs Nothing Has Changed

Written by: Connor Betterly

Point: Price Center Plaza Looks So Good Now! Price Center Plaza looks so good now! I love all the construction they are doing. It truly makes …

Briefs

Drake Performance SurprisesStudents at Sun God Festival

Written by: Connor Betterly

This year’s Sun God festival was filled with long lines and an array of performances from a variety of artists. However, students were most surprised when …

FeaturesOther Features

Pop Cult

Written by: Amit Roth, Micah Gilbert, Maddie Samaniego, Connor Betterly, Romella Sagatelian and Supriyaa Chordia

Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …

Briefs

UCSD Athletics Pivots to Rotisserie Chicken Eating

Written by: Connor Betterly

After the president of the Costco Club generated more school spirit and attendance than any sporting event in the history of UC San Diego by eating …

ArticlesCampusNews

Seventh College Installs Decorative Solar Panels

Written by: Connor Betterly

“The cord isn’t long enough to plug into the sun, what’d you expect?” asked the panel installation contractor.Photo by Kaz Nuckowski In an unprecedented strategy to …

ArticlesCampusNews

Tritons Confused by Abstract New Brand Guidelines

Written by: Connor Betterly

“I guess if you can’t tell what their brand is, they can’t do anything that’s off-brand,” stated one student.Photo by Connor Betterly In a bid to …

ArticlesLocalNews

Costco to Offer Medication Samples

Written by: Connor Betterly

“I love Costco,” said Davis. “I never knew prices so low could make me feel so high.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In a groundbreaking move last week, …