Romella Sagatelian

ArticlesNationalNews

Pepsi Carbonates Ocean in Attempt to Go Carbon Neutral

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“I thought Pepsi’s carbonation initiative would taste better,” said one customer. “I’m still a bit salty about it.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Pepsi has begun carbonating the …

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Tesla Unveils Self-Driving Stroller

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“Damn those new drivers. Always on their mobiles instead of paying attention to the road,” commented one pedestrian.Photo by Amit Roth Just weeks after announcing that …

Briefs

UC Regents Offer to Pay Student Researchers in Dining Dollars

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Leaked negotiations reveal that the UC Regents offered to raise graduate student stipends to $54,000 per year, but hid the fact that they would be paid …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Congress Announces a Bipartisan Skincare Line

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“Wearing this skincare product makes me feel 40 years younger. I might even start voting Democrat again,” testified Senator McConnell.Photo by Julia Wong House Speaker Nancy …

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Netflix to Split All of Its Content Into Smaller Channels

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“Why would I want this segmented business model when I can watch entire movies in 328 shorts on TikTok?” asked Lee.Photo by Julia Wong Netflix recently …