I Must Return to the Real World

Written by: Katie Campbell

Beloved wizards and magicians of the greater San Diego area, it is time for me to hang up my hat and cloak in favor of the …


I Haven’t Cried in Over a Decade Because We’ve Been in a Drought

Written by: Chris Zhang

I’ve spent my entire life as a God-fearing professional onion chopper, and never in my life have I ever witnessed a drought last longer than my …


Why I Think Leprechauns Aren’t Real

Written by: Erin Yao

That dreaded time of year is now almost upon us. My first-grade class will soon insist on catching a leprechaun in time for St. Patrick’s Day. …


I Am the Hydro Flask That Falls in Your Lecture

Written by: Beth Becker

I hear people have been complaining about the occasional, small, itty-bitty noise that I make when I fall in your 8 a.m. lecture (it’s not like …


Read Me Like One of Your French Books

Written by: The MQ

I remember the day I was purchased like it was yesterday. I was sitting on a shelf at the store with my siblings, waiting, just waiting …


Please, Just Let Me Live in the Future

Written by: Amit Roth

I was born in the wrong generation. Everyone seems to have lost their minds! To let Dogecoin die? To not let Elon Musk into your brain …


I Give Up — The Next Global Disaster Will Be Too Weird to Predict

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

A decade of unprecedentedly unprecedented times, whatever people are calling it, has put me out of business. If you asked me a decade ago where we’d …


My First Bonfire Wasn’t as Magical as They Said It Would Be

Written by: Marielle Lazaro

For as long as I’ve resided in this field, I’ve heard the same hangout plans from a new group every day: “Let’s have a bonfire next …


No, Don’t Buy That Compression Shirt

Written by: Bitsy Hsu

I thought I had changed. I thought I had grown. I thought I was no longer the person who would impulse-buy a $200 trench coat to …


Allowing You to Ride Me for Free Doesn’t Mean I Want Your Sweaty Hands and Feet

Written by: Jessica Wang

Human students of UC San Diego, we have decided it is time for us elevators to rise to the occasion. We opened our doors to kindness, …