Online Exclusive Articles

ArticlesCampusNewsOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline Exclusives

TikTok Songs in Dining Halls Make Customers Prone to Involuntary Fits of Dancing

Written by:

Since late September, reports of involuntary fits of dancing induced by TikTok songs being played on the radio in dining halls have come in at an …

ArticlesCampusNewsOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline Exclusives

UCSD to Launch New Subscription Based Wifi Service

Written by:

On Monday, UCSD announced the launch of a new wifi network that will be available to students that purchase a monthly subscription plan. Preorders for the …

ArticlesEditorialOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesOpinion

I’m the gallon of milk in your fridge you have not touched since week 1

Written by:

This cold, desolate land has been all I’ve known. When I was chosen by you, I thought I had a chance at a rich, adventurous life. …

NewsOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesPolitics

Wall Street Grows Tired of Betting Against the Livelihood of Working Class People, Begins Betting Against Working Class’s Lives Directly

Written by:

Major Wall Street investors and mutual funds have recently begun a new trading strategy. Instead of investments in traditional businesses or commodities, many investors have traded …

ArticlesCampusNewsOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline Exclusives

In Resolution of Third Strike, 64 Employees Receive Conciliatory Turkey

Written by:

Photo by Sharon Roth In the spirit of Thanksgiving, HDH and striking 64 degrees employees finally reached a settlement last Thursday. Student employees have had mixed reactions, …

ArticlesEditorialOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesOpinion

Hark! Welcometh Back to Mine ThouTube Channel

Written by:

Hark! Welcometh back to mine ThouTube channel. Maketh sure to like, comment, and tell thy bellkeep to ring the bell in the towne square so thou …

ArticlesEditorialOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesOpinion

The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why

Written by:

Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William …

ArticlesEditorialOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesOpinion

To Anna, The Girl In Front Of Me Who Stole My Joke In York Hall

Written by:

A Hopeful Funeral Dirge

ArticlesNewsOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesPolitics

Following Afghanistan Pull Out, Top Generals Still Looking for Bottom Specific

Written by:

Following the “successful” withdrawal from Afghanistan, the chaos in the final moments at the Kabul airport has Top General Meiner and his compatriots in desperate search …

ArticlesHolidaysNewsOnline Exclusive ArticlesOnline ExclusivesTech

Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs

Written by:

Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …