Annelise McCullough
Catholic Church Ordains New AI Priest
“Beep boop. Updating protocol to include God’s new updates,” said The Latter Day Saints’ version of PeterAI.Photo by Amit Roth L ast month, a San Francisco …
Pharmaceutical Company Unveils New ‘Soma’ Wellness Pills
On March 8, Bernard Huxley, CEO of “wellness corporation” HuxleyHealth, which offers Instagram Reel–based primary care and supplementals announced BigBrother would be releasing a line of …
Muir to Undergo ‘Progress Initiatives’
“Wow, Sixth College is so big now,” said one student with a visible erection.Photo by David Muñoz On February 19, Muir College sent out an email …
Tim Walz Found Licking Boots
Under the mandate of Kristi “Bitchslayer” Noem, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) deployed multiple Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents to various Minnesota cities in …
Detention Center Promotes Puritanical View of Rehabilitation
On Friday, Governor Spencer J. Cox (R-UT) took to X, formerly known as Twitter, to boast that he had “solved the homelessness crisis,” planning to forcibly …
Young Republicans ‘Definitely Not’ Nazis
Erien Smith, a spokesperson for the Young Republican National Federation (YR) spoke at a press conference to “clear the air” about the “unfortunate incident that occurred …
Millionaire Becomes Philanthropist After Dickensian Ghost Visitation
“I was ghoulish before, but now, I’ll be more transparent with my business practices,” said Richard Cox.Photo by Abby Offenhauser Multi-millionaire CEO, lobbyist, and oil mogul …
ICE Lowers Education Qualification Requirements
Benefits reportedly include boots for lunch. Photo by Farhad Taporevala On September 12, Vista Logan High School, located in San Diego’s South Bay region, reported its …
Holding My Narcissistic Therapist Accountable
I’ve always loved Psychology — I grew up watching Dateline, so it was only natural I’d develop an interest in true crime, especially in what made …
Trump Imposes Tariffs on International Students
“This term is going to be tariff-ic!” said Trump.Photo by Jordan Whitlow In the wake of enacting tariffs on goods ranging from aluminum to foreign movies, …
