Katie Campbell
UCSD Lifts Undergraduate Laboratory Safety Protocols
“Now I can come to lab straight from Black’s Beach,” said Axident.Photo by Millie You Following a classified document leak last week, UC San Diego Environment, …
Ask Emily Queue: Eco-Friendly Halloween
Dear Emily Queue, how soon can I start stealing other people’s Jack-o’-lanterns to compost? Is this really where we’re at? This is basic etiquette, people. As …
Student Sealed Away, Shredded, Thrown Into Ocean
Following a controversial Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament at a San Diego game store, UC San Diego student Keto Saiba was accused of using banned cards in his Exodia …
We Have All Been Afflicted With a Curse
Fellow youths, I bring horrible, world-ending news. Our university — nay, our universe itself has been afflicted with a terrible curse. It is the most vile, …
Life Is Horrible, but I Have a Little Drink
I have been in a constant state of misery since September 23, 2022, after the innocent newness of Fall Quarter ceased to appeal to me and …
UCSD Debuts Mini Quadruple Rooms to Address Housing Shortages
Photo by Amit Roth Following UC San Diego’s announcement that only one of the Eighth College dorms would house students in Fall 2023, UCSD released a …
My Boyfriend Hates My Sex Playlist
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
Target Announces Ides of March Pride Collection
On March 12, Target CEO Knott Pandring announced the newest entry to the store’s Pride collection of dishware and home goods: a set of 23 knives …
UCSD Chemists Abandon IUPAC in Favor of “Making Shit Up”
“I’m pretty sure someone labeled the heavy water as regular water,” remarked one slightly heavier lab student.Photo by Millie You After two afternoons of deliberations, the …
People These Days Don’t Know How Hard It Is to Be an Immortal Wizard
Wizards of San Diego, I come to you all with the most horrible problem I have ever faced in my short 200 years of existence. I …
