November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II

Katie Campbell

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Lifts Undergraduate Laboratory Safety Protocols

Written by: Katie Campbell

“Now I can come to lab straight from Black’s Beach,” said Axident.Photo by Millie You Following a classified document leak last week, UC San Diego Environment, …

FeaturesOther Features

Ask Emily Queue: Eco-Friendly Halloween

Written by: Sylvia Terry, Erica Rosslee, Katie Campbell, Janice Kim and The MQ

Dear Emily Queue, how soon can I start stealing other people’s Jack-o’-lanterns to compost? Is this really where we’re at? This is basic etiquette, people. As …

Briefs

Student Sealed Away, Shredded, Thrown Into Ocean

Written by: Katie Campbell

Following a controversial Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament at a San Diego game store, UC San Diego student Keto Saiba was accused of using banned cards in his Exodia …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

We Have All Been Afflicted With a Curse

Written by: Katie Campbell

Fellow youths, I bring horrible, world-ending news. Our university — nay, our universe itself has been afflicted with a terrible curse. It is the most vile, …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

Life Is Horrible, but I Have a Little Drink

Written by: Katie Campbell

I have been in a constant state of misery since September 23, 2022, after the innocent newness of Fall Quarter ceased to appeal to me and …

Online Exclusive ArticlesOnline Exclusives

UCSD Debuts Mini Quadruple Rooms to Address Housing Shortages

Written by: Katie Campbell

Photo by Amit Roth Following UC San Diego’s announcement that only one of the Eighth College dorms would house students in Fall 2023, UCSD released a …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

My Boyfriend Hates My Sex Playlist

Written by: Katie Campbell

Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …

Briefs

Target Announces Ides of March Pride Collection

Written by: Katie Campbell

On March 12, Target CEO Knott Pandring announced the newest entry to the store’s Pride collection of dishware and home goods: a set of 23 knives …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Chemists Abandon IUPAC in Favor of “Making Shit Up”

Written by: Katie Campbell

“I’m pretty sure someone labeled the heavy water as regular water,” remarked one slightly heavier lab student.Photo by Millie You After two afternoons of deliberations, the …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

People These Days Don’t Know How Hard It Is to Be an Immortal Wizard

Written by: Katie Campbell

Wizards of San Diego, I come to you all with the most horrible problem I have ever faced in my short 200 years of existence. I …