Katie Campbell
Life Is Horrible, but I Have a Little Drink
I have been in a constant state of misery since September 23, 2022, after the innocent newness of Fall Quarter ceased to appeal to me and …
My Boyfriend Hates My Sex Playlist
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
Target Announces Ides of March Pride Collection
On March 12, Target CEO Knott Pandring announced the newest entry to the store’s Pride collection of dishware and home goods: a set of 23 knives …
UCSD Chemists Abandon IUPAC in Favor of “Making Shit Up”
“I’m pretty sure someone labeled the heavy water as regular water,” remarked one slightly heavier lab student.Photo by Millie You After two afternoons of deliberations, the …
People These Days Don’t Know How Hard It Is to Be an Immortal Wizard
Wizards of San Diego, I come to you all with the most horrible problem I have ever faced in my short 200 years of existence. I …
I’m Finally Speaker of the House vs. You Are a Spineless Fool, Your Days are Numbered
Point: I’m Finally Speaker of the House As children, many Americans dream of being astronauts, ballerinas, or kings. However, we are a fickle nation — no …
UCSD Announces New “DILF”-Focused Research Center to Promote Equality
“This project has fathered many other studies,” said Simgod Friend.Photo by James Woolley Following the reveal of the Human Milk Institute, UCSD announced the Human Observation …
