Last month, local band Crystal Belles garnered an animated audience during an on-campus performance at UC San Diego. According to the university, while it has historically strived to “pay real money” in exchange for goods and services such as live entertainment, recent investments in “rockets. So, so many rockets” have resulted in new and “just as good” compensation policies.
“The good news is, we all now have more money then we’ll ever need,” Crystal Belles lead guitarist Myles Jacobs said, showing off the Triton Cash balance on his Triton2Go app. “The bad news is, we can only spend it on campus food. Or, like, laundry, I guess.”
Student Employment Office representative Grenda Ed believes Triton Cash to be “the only appropriate form of payment” for student workers like performers and RAs.
“Honestly, when I learned that college students expect to be compensated for their work at all, I was shocked,” she said. “What do they even do all day? Go to classes and eat at OVT? Such a subhuman species will surely be fine subsisting on whatever mo- nopoly money we throw at them.” “With this plan, I’m hoping we can finally afford to get Alex Warren for Sun God,” ASCE representative Richmont Stacks said. “Think of all the Blue Bowl he could buy with $100,000 of Triton Cash…”
Abby is a "journalist" who has never told a lie in her life. She enjoys long walks on the beach, beating dead horses, and running content at every possible moment.
