Farhad Taraporevala
White House Announces New Quarantine Guidelines
“No bulletproof vest for my child, please — they cause autism,” said one anti-vester.Photo by Ezra Bihis & David Muñoz After Saturday’s mass shooting, White House …
Trump Introduces New Squirrel Breeding Program
“Squeak squeak squeak squeak,” said the squirrels.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Following the release of the redacted Epstein files, President Donald Trump signed Executive Order 14381 into …
UCSD Announces Another Construction Project
“When I can’t sleep and the beam passes the window, I can see the silhouette of my roommate…pleasuring himself…” said one student. Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced …
Montana to Introduce New Congressional Maps
The final electoral map was found to be more representative than the Texas redistricting.Photo by Ezra Bihis and Amit Roth In response Proposition 50 in California …
UCSD Introduces New Remote College
“How do I apply to be an RA for Ninth College?” asked one freak.Photo by Amit Roth and Cole Johnson Chancellor Pradeep Khosla unveiled plans for …
Trump Declares Time Is Relative, No Need for Third Term
“Time, just like the law, is fluid,” said Trump.Photo by Janice Kim In a press conference Thursday night, President Donald Trump announced he was no longer …
Mexico Renames Mall of America
“This is easily the hardest class I’ve ever taken,” said one International Business major.Photo by Liv Gilbert Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum announced that Mexico will be …
‘Hot Debate’ Engulfs National Collegiate Curling Scene
“They’re just too hot,” said Vegen. “We don’t stand a chance!”Photo by Destiny Friday Following their meteoric rise to become NCAA champions, the UC San Diego …
NFL Declares Hundred-Year Study on Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy
“My head hurts,” said one player.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced a new initiative aimed at understanding the long-term …
UCSD to Require New Sunset Enjoyment Class
Yesterday, the Dean of Undergraduate Education announced that all UC San Diego students are required to take a new class, SIO 154: Sunsetology. “Recently I’ve noticed …
