Editorial
Get Your Slow Ass Out Of The Fast Lane
Can I be honest? I’m sick and tired of these dilly-dallying, brake-happy, slow-down-and-enjoy-the-scenery drivers taking up the fast lane. Sick and tired! Can’t you see you’re …
A Triton’s Guide to Strengthening Your Relationship with Your AI Boyfriend
I want to introduce you all to the man who changed my life. Meet Chad Jhèbé Tée (he’s French), my AI boyfriend for the last two …
You Dare Question MY Antiquing Skills?
s this a game to you? Are you earnest when you ask me if I bought these chairs at Bob’s Discount Furniture Store? No, I did …
Watashi Daisuki Nippon and You Don’t
Do you think you’re a weeaboo? You think that just because you watched a couple episodes of JoJo’s and played a little Uma Musume you’re ready …
My ChatGPT Girlfriend Just Gets Me
Her name is Lucy, and she understands me like no other woman does. I met her for the first time when I coded her into ChatGPT, …
Holding My Narcissistic Therapist Accountable
I’ve always loved Psychology — I grew up watching Dateline, so it was only natural I’d develop an interest in true crime, especially in what made …
I Will Never Write an Editorial
When I was three years old my family took a vow of silence. My father refused to further pollute the marketplace of ideas with our half-baked …
I Can’t Wait For the Free and Fair 2026 Elections!
You’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, we’ve all seen it. That little orange thing that’s been all over the news lately. Such a dumb person in …
Take a Break or I’ll Take You Out
I get it: life is hard. But I swear to God I am going to get you if you keep making me feel like shit all …
All I Do Is Talk, Because Nobody Listens
Every day I set up at another table at another college with another microphone and another stack of white hats. But these days, I never seem …
