Editorial
Organic Chemistry Is Made Up
I simply cannot do it anymore. I cannot suspend my belief in the way of the world and pretend that I understand what the hell an …
I Actually Started Going to the Gym on Dec. 25th, so I’m Better Than You
I hate walking into the gym on January 1. It’s full of losers who crowd the machines and probably can’t even bench the bar. Thankfully by …
If You Really Think About It, Life Is Just a Game as a Service
I remember when the first arcades opened. My brother would spend hours in them, coming home late at night on an empty stomach after turning his …
Return Black Friday to Its Roots
If one more person disrespects the internationally-recognized holiday of Black Friday, I am going to lose it. The contempt when you dismiss this patriotic purchasing day …
It’s Not a Phage, Mom
I’m not doing this because it’s a viral trend! It’s not infectious, my friends haven’t caught it, and no one is putting me up to this. …
Cells Have Feelings, Too
You are made of cells. On the most fundamental level, everything is made of cells — the plants you forget to water, the mold growing on …
Competitive Eating Is Good for the Economy
I am an American hero. I am the one who keeps local businesses afloat during COVID-19, who provides the money to put kids through school, who …
Breaking Bones Is Good for You Because Then You Have More Bones
Don’t trust Big Bone! All they want is to preserve their calcium cartel. Trust me on this one: breaking your bones is good for you. Who …
Triangle-cut Pizza: The Story of Success Taken Away
I had my first slice of pizza when I was two years old. My grandmother took me to a place in Brooklyn on the corner of …
The Card Readers on Vending Machines Eroded My Trust in Our System
It’s 2003, and you’re sitting in the lounge of an office building that looks as if the ’90s was swallowed, trapped, and then died here. Your …
