Editorial
How The Sunshine Market Renovation Ruined My Life
Scene: It’s the first day of Spring Quarter, and I’m walking through Price Center. I am unbothered, serene even, as I dodge the usual lunchtime swarm …
My Boss Killed Me in a Past Life – Here’s How I’m Leveraging That in My Career
They say eyes are the window to the soul. And much like a house, when you look through those windows into someone’s soul, you might see …
It’s Really Hard Being The Little Stinker of American Law
Listen, in my heart, fundamentally, I’m just a chill guy, you know? I went to Yale, sure, but not in a lame, pretentious way, only because …
Wait, You Guys Already Had Your Enrollment Times?
So, here’s the issue. I was under the impression that class enrollment just hadn’t happened for anyone yet. Because when enrollment times came out and WebReg …
Dating My Campus Crush Went Wrong?
It all started the first week of school when I went to a “First-Years in Seventh from the Northeast Part of Akron, Ohio” mixer. I saw …
What Are You Gonna Do? Not Use It?
That’s right. It’s me. You know of me, you’ve lamented me, you’ve cursed me, you’ve wept for me, I’m certain of it. Nevertheless, I’m the only …
No, Just Because You Uppercut Me Does Not Mean You’re ‘Punching Up’
Today, one of my dear HUMR 101: Intro to Humor students, who I will call “Jimmy,” came into my office, wound up his fist, and uppercutted …
My ‘Winter Alpha Arc’ Was Found to Just Be Depression
I’ve been on something of a self-improvement journey as of late. It all started when I was doing my daily doomscrolling, and I came across a …
A Call to Pirates and Landlubbers Alike
Ahoy there! This be pirate captain Blondebeard, scourge of the seven seas, with an urgent message for all ye mermaids, mermen, and scallywags of unspecified gender …
Ohio Does NOT Claim JD Vance
Now I don’t usually comment on politics, but something must be said about Senator Vance. In the Midwestern spirit of sharing hotdish ’fore dishing it out, …
