
Governor of Ohio
Now I don’t usually comment on politics, but something must be said about Senator Vance. In the Midwestern spirit of sharing hotdish ’fore dishing it out, I will couch my criticisms of him as a person. But don’t think he’s getting away without a good what-for.
What really ticked me the heck off was Vance admitting to lying about my friendly neighbors in Springfield. Congratulations James David, your “They’re eating the dogs!” schtick has become something of a “meme” and has incited real violence against real Ohioans. He and his running mate’s a few scare tactics off from a scarecrow I tell you what. Which is it, defendin’ grieving cat owners or offendin’ childless cat ladies? And lords? This kind of loathe-your-neighbor policy has no place here. Not in our Ohio.
And then he did it again with kids from Michigan! Suggestin’ undocumented folk are a burden to teachers or undeservin’ of American education, fo’ shame. And lo, targeting another Midwestern state — I call friendly fire! ’Sides, if our hardworking educators had even half your salary they’d be able to accommodate more kids… but I think we both know your plans for the Department of Education. Haven’t you seen Hamilton? Don’t get me wrong, I love a good ol’ pat on the back for our Founding Fathers, especially the Virginian ones! But for cryin’ out loud, even a kiddo could pick up that America is made better from immigration.
The Founding Fathers were so right for penning the Second Amendment, but they weren’t thinkin’ of gunmen in schools. Or “school resource officers,” or whatever the “woke right” calls ’em now. See, if Vance
was a real hillbilly, he’d know an armed officer hardly ever deterred anyone with that intent. They’d just get bigger guns and try to deal more damage faster… you don’t want to prevent the youth vote that badly, do you, JD?
I’m all for restrictin’ abortion access — as much as the next fella — but he’s plain making us look bad! Vance must be playin’ dumb about Project 2025 out of sheer survival ’cause no Republican in their right mind would back the mass surveillance touted in pages 449–478. Dearie me, I don’t quite know what to say. I don’t know about the rest of the Republican Party, but I plan to maintain a good relationship with the women in my life. Christ on a cracker, JD. Damn.
I think his running mate’s a bad influence on him, I really do. That’s what you get with that crowd, anyway. JD, you don’t have to cover for your friends, no one’ll call you a snitch. A snitch is what bullies call stand-up Samaritans who tell it like it is. Well I’ll tell you, buster: bein’ a real Republican is about letting your citizens feel the hand of the government as little as possible, and bannin’ abortion after only five weeks.
Amit is a cog in this machine. But doesn't everything run on optic cables or something?