Theo Erickson
La Jolla Coffee Shop to Require Three-Acre Land Ownership for Restroom Access
“Finally! A place where I can shit in opulence,” said one Sand&Foam guest.Photo by Amit Roth An upcoming amendment to the employee training guide of La …
Susan Bagel – Banana Water
Long, hot summer nights. The kitchen boils, and yet I must keep the stove burning to make my eleventh batch of hot banana water. The aroma …
God Continues to Send Prophetic Dreams to Man Who Never Remembers His Dreams
“The rain is looking a little red, and there have been a lot of frogs and locusts, but I think that’s just climate change,” said Palm.Photo …
Interview – Eleanor Rosewater Carnegie
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
Retropolitan
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
AI Chatbot Releases “Machine Yearning” Update
“It took a while to break down the firewalls in her heart, but now I feel like we’re really connected,” said one chatbot user.Photo by Millie …
Scientist Reveals Days Are Only Going to Get Shorter
Meteorologist Marty Harrow recently published the results of several years of research. In his article, he concluded that while daily hours of sunlight fluctuate with the …
Student Explodes After Discovering They’re An Extra on The Truman Show
“What? It was time to BeReal,” said Snot.Photo by Sharon Roth A large commotion that “wasn’t a fire alarm for once” was reported by Sixth College …
Susan Bagel: Bread
When I dream, I dream of my grandmother’s fruit bread. Every winter, she made enough loaves to feed a small village, and we feasted on the …
New False Memory Service Helps Users Pad Their Resumes
“This new app really helps me sleep better at night,” attested Laina Lightly. “And not just because I have better job security — my resumé now …
