Written by: Connor Betterly

UC San Diego found itself in disarray this week after a winter storm wreaked havoc on the campus, leaving administrators scrambling and students’ spirits dampened with the rain. The campus, designed “without knowledge of puddles or temperatures below 60°F,” was completely unprepared to face “multiple fractions of inches” of rain.

Chaos erupted on campus as students struggled to navigate around pools of water and avoid damp backpacks. One particularly drenched student complained, “The 202 finally pulled up — right into a puddle, showering me with a wave you could surf! I’ve been praying for Sun God to appear, but I feel wetter than King Triton under the sea.”

La Jolla’s pothole­-riddled roads were completely washed away. The train tracks to Los Angeles slid into the sea. In an emergency meeting, Chancellor Pradeep K. Khosla announced, “UC San Diego hereby declares war on the rain! With boots on the ground and umbrellas in the sky, we shall win!”

When the campus bookstore ran out of umbrellas and the waters rose above the tallest boots, a soaked and humbled Khosla admitted defeat, stating, “Apparently, we underestimated the resilience of rain. We surrender. But your cl­asses will continue as always.”

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