Volume 30


Biden Delivers Unique State of the Union

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

In order to draw viewers into watching his State of the Union Address, President Biden introduced several changes to the way he delivered the speech. To …


IRS Debuts ‘Ultimate’ Form

Written by: Liv Gilbert

Responding to mounting criticisms of the American tax system, the Internal Revenue Service announced the release of Form One: a single unified form that will be …


Alabama Embryologists Adopt 873 Children

Written by: Katie Campbell

“Embryo #405 has great aspirations to become a teacher,” said Abbie Maker.Photo by Amit Roth Following the recent controversial ruling by Alabama’s Supreme Court, all frozen …


Clocks Fail to Change for Daylight Saving Time, No One Notices

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

This past weekend, Daylight Saving Time was scheduled to begin, with all clocks to “spring forward” an hour. However, Americans across the country woke up this …


UCSD’s New Mental Health Initiative Is ‘Queering the Male Loneliness Binary’

Written by: Sylvia Terry

“I don’t even need to take this class,” said one workshop attendee. “I just treat every woman like my mother.”Photo by Madeline Mozafari Amid the recent …


Simon Cowell Judges Middle School Talent Show

Written by: Justin Xu

This past weekend, the students of Simon Cowell Middle School received a surprise visit from their namesake, along with his camera crew and production team. The …


Chancellor Khosla Announces New Evil Department

Written by: Cole Johnson

“Finally, I can pick the greater of two evils,” said one student.Photo by Dylan Schmidt An email sent by Chancellor Pradeep Khosla last Thursday announced that …


Department of Music Announces New Concert Series

Written by: Sylvia Terry

In a bid to diversify the musical offerings of the Department of Music, Director Jenny P. Orridge has introduced a new series of concerts titled “Dive …


Las Vegas Consumed by Plague of Moths

Written by: Dylan Schmidt

“I was drawn to it like a moth to a… like a… like… um…” said one moth.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Only a few months after the …


Student with ‘Infectious Respiratory Pink eye’ reportedly Studying at Geisel

Written by: Theo Erickson

In a developing story this week, student Whoopi Ngcough was reported by one bystander to sound like she was “literally coughing up, like, chunks” as she …