Tesla Develops 10-Horsepower Horse


Written by: James Woolley

The recent Cybertruck recall was described by Elon Musk as a “fuckstorm unlike any seen since the Titanic” in a company-wide email which, according to one engineer, was “so abusive it made me forgive my father.” In addition to verbal abuse, the internal email included both the reason the pedal covering detached and details about Tesla’s upcoming product. “The glue wasn’t applied evenly enough; I demanded micron-level uniformity, and both engineering and manufacturing flagrantly ignored me. So I’m fi­ring all of them and pivoting to a new plan — the 10-horsepower horse — or Hyperhorse — which will be stronger, faster, and even more necessary than the Cybertruck.”

When asked for more details about the sudden pivot, Musk said, “It makes no sense that horses only put out one horsepower each. My Bughatti Mistral puts out 1,600 horsepower and is half the height!” The new horse will reportedly output 10 horsepower, which Musk has repeatedly and erroneously reported is 10 times stronger than the average horse. When pushed by the California Equestrian Club, Tes­la’s publicist responded by saying, “I don’t think you understand, this isn’t meant to appeal to equestrians. The horsepower of the Hyperhorse is measured in industry-standard Tesla Horse­powers™, not horsepower.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *