Salk Researchers Find Chemicals in Water Supply

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

“Chemicals in the water supply? Next thing you know they’ll be putting chemicals in food!” said one parent.Photo by James Woolley In a new report from …


ExxonMobil Claims Leaving Refrigerators Open Can Solve Climate Change

Written by: Millie You

“Global warming is temporary, but commercial refrigerants are forever,” said ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In the wake of this year’s extreme weather, from …


Eighth College Mandates Construction GE Beginning Fall Quarter

Written by: Kita Barrientos

“I heard this was a really easy class,” said one Eighth College student, “but the hats are so hard.”Photo by Sharon Roth and Connor Betterly In …


UCSD Cuts Costs by Hiring Giant Eyeball to Proctor Exams

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

“It’s a lie,” said one student. “If someone dies during the test, you don’t automatically get an A.”Photo by Amit Roth As students walk into their …


UCSD Biology Debuts Discussion Sections with 300 Students

Written by: James Woolley

“Let’s get that kiss cam goin’!” exclaimed one student.Photo by Sharon Roth The Epstein Family Amphitheater hosted the Department of Biological Sciences’ Shame ’n’ Sack Showdown …


MLB Hires Striking TV Show Writers

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“I’m gonna be great at this whole baseball thing,” said one writer. “I’ve already nailed my opening pitch.”Photo by Jacob King and Maria Dhilla Shortly after …


Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …


Absolut Unveils Pink-Flavored, Mercury-Infused Vodka for Pride Month

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“LGBT stands for Let’s Get Buzzed Together,” said John Deackon, an Absolut brand representative.Photo by Amit Roth This week, Absolut Vodka announced a new Pride month …


La Jolla Village Square Parking Lot Replaced With “The Pit”

Written by: Aaron Sonin

“I love the pit,” said one Ralphs customer. “My 2005 Toyota Sienna went in, and a brand new Lamborghini came out.”Photo by Maria Dhilla On Sunday, …


US Army Brings ROTC to Preschools

Written by: Jacob King

After two weeks of basic combat training, new BIB recruits will be expected to complete two weeks of intensive potty training.Photo by Amit Roth Over the …