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U.S. Lifts Regulations Around Public Works Projects

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“I love the new transportation system,” proclaimed one UCSD student. “Taking a trebuchet to school is teaching me so much about applied physics.”Photo by Amit Roth …

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Third-Year Math Major Forgets How to Spell Numbers

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“Why can’t I just use the letter ‘x’ to represent every number I have to spell? That would be so much easier,” remarked Calculus.Photo by Julia …

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Next-Gen Game’s $70 Price Tag Effective at Raising Executive’s Bank Balance

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“They said we couldn’t make video games that cost $70, but the yolk’s on them,” said Edwin.Photo by Amit Roth Since the release of the PlayStation …

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Local Rancher Inconvenienced by New Breed of Spherical Cow

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“I’ll never have to imagine a spherical cow again,” said one physics student.Photo by Millie You This February, cattle rancher Nicholas “Mixalot” Minhoj was “shocked” after …

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Eighth College Named

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“Sure, it took us a while to brainstorm the new college name,” said Khosla. “But like they say, the fourth time’s the charm.”Photo by Jacob King …

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Lab-Grown Orange Sales Skyrocket After Blood Orange Controversy

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“Orange you glad I decided to propose?” asked one Timothy & Co customer.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In 1947, D’Orange Juice, the world’s largest orange grower and …

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U.S. Government Pledges Three Million in Thoughts and Prayers to Türkiye and Syria for Earthquake Relief

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“I found the praying part easy, but the thought part is really difficult,” said Owntcare. “I’m waiting for more direction from the administration.”Photo by Millie You …

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Tritons Confused by Abstract New Brand Guidelines

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“I guess if you can’t tell what their brand is, they can’t do anything that’s off-brand,” stated one student.Photo by Connor Betterly In a bid to …

ArticlesCampusNewsPolitics

Board of Education Investigates Chromosome “Homolog Agenda” in Biology Curriculums

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“It’s Adam and Eve, not adenine and guanine,” insisted one parent.Photo by Sharon Roth Despite its widespread acceptance as part of a standard biology curriculum, parents …

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Costco to Offer Medication Samples

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“I love Costco,” said Davis. “I never knew prices so low could make me feel so high.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In a groundbreaking move last week, …