“When you’re a glover, you’re a glover all the way,” said one glover. “From your first
cigarette to your last dying day.”
Photo by Destiney Friday
During a rehearsal for the UC San Diego Gloving Team’s dance event, students reported hearing loud voices emanating from the center of Revelle Plaza. According to witnesses, this shouting quickly escalated into a “violent dance battle-duel” between the UCSD Glovers and the UCSD Sliders. According to a Timely Warning report from the San Diego Police Department, “as of February 23, three UCSD students have been sent to the hospital in critical condition, and six more have been treated for minor injuries at Student Health Services.”
“I mean, they’re known rivals, so this wasn’t particularly surprising, but we never expected it to reach violent duel territory!” exclaimed a UCPD officer. After the chaos, Golden-Hill Associated Youth (GAY) reporters collected statements from affected team members and construct a timeline of events. According to the glovers and sliders, halfway through the practice, sliders skated in on their knees to surround the group, boxing the glovers in. The slider leader then announced the discovery of a “forbidden romantic relationship” between a glover and slider. News of this scandal was met with impassioned remarks from both sides, which finally brought both teams to “chudesque” violence. “The crowd devolved into a flurry of radiant fingers. It was terrifying but also so, so lame,” one student witness expressed.
The team captains responded to the “heated” rivalry and subsequent fight. Jack Hoffman, captain of the UCSD Sliders, bitterly remarked, “I just wanna say, first off, that the whole duel thing was totally the glovers’ fault. I know that everyone thinks that sliders are violent because of the whole Knott’s Scary Farm thing, but it’s total bullshit. At the same time, talk shit, get hit, you know what I mean? But for real, it just feels like such a betrayal. For such a long-sliding member of our community to put bro-hoes before bros is just really disappointing.”
“I just think that this kind of fling is downright irresponsible. You need to focus on your team and not your yaoi,” responded UCSD Glovers captain Gabe Horn.
The two members in question posted their testimonies on X, formerly known as Twitter. “We never expected to fall in love or for this bloodbath to come out of it,” Xeeted @flowskate2002. “We just kept running into each other and over time our opposition became something more. He lit up my life and showed me there could be more than just hate for our adversaries, and now I’m much better for it.”
“It was as natural as breathing. He slid right into my DMs and then into my heart,” remi- nisced @goonlight69. “I know that everyone was expecting us to be enemies because we come from opposing teams, but at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to express our masculine passion for dance.”
