“I wish someone looked at me the way Sterno looks at himself,” said Xbox user MuscleMaxxer208.
Photo by Aidan Moran
In recent months, adolescent male viewership of “looksmaxxing” content has increased on social media. Influencers have turned towards “self-improvement” trends, championing intense physical transformations to achieve coveted “Chad” status.
Braden Eric Peters, known by his online alias Clavicular, has been the subject of online discourse since the beginning of his career. Though typically “accountability-proof”, a recent incident has overthrown his rule as the top “manosphere influencer” and brought a new AMOG to dominate the scene.
Following a recent stream in a Miami nightclub, fans reportedly fell in love with a stranger in the crowd. The chat reportedly began to swarm messages began to swarm with questions about the individual, leading Peters to drunkenly confront the man and subsequently slip and break his “prized” collarbone.
“After his fall, he just sat up and stared at the camera,” said user @canthaltilted. “I mean, his stare is usually blank and unfeeling, but this time his eyes were devoid of everything, no lust for beauty or anything normal. It was like looking into the singularity of a black hole.”
After this accidental exposure to livestreaming, the new “patron saint” of online manosphere content stepped into the spotlight and began his own channel. Jayden Brayden Thayden, dubbing himself Sternocleidomastoid, has already surpassed two million followers, gaining over 600,000 viewers in a single day. “He has the face of a cherub and the body of a Greek statue, chiseled from holy masculine stone,” said one adoring fan.
In an interview with Thayden, he attributed the impetus for his success as a “fall from grace” and subsequently claimed, “Clav’s just mad ’cause he’s literally choptimus prime. He could never compare with a young, virile man like me. You know what I say: If you don’t look good, are you really a person?”
Many of Thayden’s fans have claimed that his content has improved their outlook on life. “I used to think that having meaningful relationships was important, but it’s so much more efficient to judge people solely off of their facial harmony! With the wisdom of Sterno, I can walk into my high school free from the worries that come with living without off-label pharmaceuticals,” said one 14-year-old boy.
Despite Sterno’s popularity, some parents are concerned with the message he promotes. “As a father, I have to condone what these influencers are doing to young boys, but as a misogynist, I just love hearing their thoughts about women,” said local father Joseph Smalls. “Like, I don’t want my two sons venerating the male figure, but it’s just so hard to resist listening to men who have my ideal body demeaning a group of people I already dislike! Isn’t that right, honey?” Alberta Smalls, wife of Joseph, was unwilling to comment.
As Sternocleidomastoid continues to rise in popularity, so do the different kinds of programs he promotes. In Thayden’s most recent venture, the “Hot Boy School” masterclass, he offers advice for “becoming as sexy as you think other men are”, establishing a presence in a growing male beauty market. For a $500 monthly subscription, each lesson provides men’s lifestyle and confidence tips to “help you connect to the primal beast inside.” Many of Thayden’s fans are already collecting “as much tooth fairy money as they can” to afford this new class.
