Volume32.7
New Gubernatorial Candidate Promises ‘It’ll All Get Better’
“We should be at brunch right now,” said one median voter.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Emerging from the “crowded” race for California governor comes another candidate intending …
Rumor Mills Shut down Nationwide, Gossip Majors Left Scrambling
“The Shrimp Jesus situation isn’t just crazy, it’s scandalous,” produced ChatGPT.Photo by Dylan Schmidt A record number of rumor mills have closed down operations nationwide, leaving …
Price Center Taco Bell Closes for Renovations
“When will they crunch-wrap-up the construction?” asked one eager student.Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to Kay Sadilla, manager of the Taco Bell at UC San Diego’s …
Just an Everyday Guy Loved by Billions (of Dollars)
Hey, ahah, could you spare me a dollar? Sorry, sorry, kidding. You took me back to my roots when I saw what you were wearing, back …
I’m Holding Your Mental Health Hostage vs. I Can’t Read the Ransom Note
Point: I’m Holding Your Mental Health Hostage Hello, Alan. I want to play a game. You won’t receive any of these instructions, only a note from …
‘Looksmaxxing’ Influencer Sternocleidomastoid ‘Famemaxxes’
“I wish someone looked at me the way Sterno looks at himself,” said Xbox user MuscleMaxxer208.Photo by Aidan Moran In recent months, adolescent male viewership of …
Some People Shouldn’t Have Jobs
Is it me, or are people just hiring anybody these days? I only ask because, last week, I heard that an old schoolmate of mine, Mandy, …
