“Sure, I can generate a caption for you!” produced Grok.
Photo by Amit Roth
Last week, newly “loaded” millionaire Michael Gates posted an extensive soliloquy on LinkedIn describing the importance of “persevering and following one’s dreams.” In only five business days, the post singlehandedly skyrocketed him from a struggling recent college graduate to a corner office executive at Google.
The post lists Gates’s interest in computer science from a young age before discussing his undergraduate experience in the field. He even “threw in” an anecdote about an internship he had at a new Silicon Valley startup followed by a photograph of himself in a suit giving a thumbs up.
“I could have given up at many points in my academic career,” the post reads. “Computer science is a tough field to get into. Through these hardships, I learned that it is important to follow your dreams, no matter what.”
According to Guy Jones, Gates’s 22nd LinkedIn connection, the post itself is “a masterpiece. Michael is an architect of words whose beauty and influence know no bounds. After I read the post, I had to sit down and think about life for a while, pondering his inspirational story. At last, I found the strength to pick up my phone once again, thumbs-up the post, and comment: ‘Interesting story, Michael!’”
Jones reportedly “connected” with Gates that same day, determined to “get in on the ground floor before he hits it big.”
Gates’s post totals nine paragraphs, in addition to two bullet point lists and several subheadings labeling the “intriguing beginning,” “harrowing middle,” and “inspiring end” of his story. According to some of his LinkedIn connections, the post contained a “repetitive, formulaic sentence structure,” “consistently generic language,” and was dotted with a total of 67 em-dashes.
When asked about whether this style of writing is characteristic of Gates, Jones responded, “I don’t fucking know that guy.”
When Gates awoke the next morning, he turned on his phone to find over 1,000 new LinkedIn connections and a personalized inbox message from Sundar Pichai, CEO of Google. In the message, Pichai offered Gates a position at the company, a starting salary of $1,000,000, and a free lifetime subscription to Google AI Pro, attributing it all to the “artistry” of his LinkedIn post.
“We at Google have truly never seen anything like this before,” Google executive Gregory Software commented. “A LinkedIn post that acts not only as a resume and a form of outreach, but also as a motivational speech on the power of the grindset? We saw that and instantly knew that we absolutely needed him on our team.”
Internet users across the globe agreed with the sentiment: in the days between the post and his first day at Google, Gates has become an internet celebrity on LinkedIn, Instagram, X, YouTube, TikTok, Pinterest, Facebook, Reddit, and BeReal. The original post now has over 2,500,000 thumbs-up reactions, 490,000 clapping reactions, and 300,000 heart reactions.
At press time, Gates was seen AI-generating a 12-paragraph post about his “life-changing journey to the top” of the LinkedIn Mini Sudoku leaderboard.
Abby is a "journalist" who has never told a lie in her life. She enjoys long walks on the beach, beating dead horses, and running content at every possible moment.
