Campus
UCSD Student Uses School Health Insurance
“I’m really glad people are finally starting to use our resources!” said UC Health oozeologist Alexander Dribble. “We’ve seen an ∞% increase from zero to one …
Birch Aquarium to Partner with HDH to Recoup Losses During Renovation
“Some of these fish will kill you, but so would some other dining hall food,” saidFoodworx employee Jade Diaz.Photo by Erica Rosslee This month, Birch Aquarium …
UCSD To Be Sold to Satan
“Damn it… or is that too soon?” one student asked.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Since becoming the subject of much controversy after his alleged mishandling of the …
UCSD to Hold Crow-Killing Event for Halloween
“Actually, I’m pretty sure these are ravens,” said ornithologist Richard Roper.Photo by Dylan Schmidt This Sunday, Vice Chancellor Alistar Ornth announced that UC San Diego would …
Scripps Institute of Oceanography to Annex Surrounding Beach Homes
“Talk about trickle-down economics — my hardwood is ruined!” said one La Jolla resident.Photo by Amit Roth The Scripps Institute of Oceanography (SIO) annex of UC …
Toxic Workplace Environments Perfect for Crop Growth
The phrase “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was found to be one of the most reliable fertilizers.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After world hunger was solved during Summer Session II, the …
Sunshine Market Maximizes Convenience by Abolishing the Illusion of Choice
“I tried to take the bell pepper out of my basket, and three store employees tackled me,” said shopper Anne Flaxis. “I’m allergic!”Photo by Liv Gilbert …
UC Regents Bans Students from Campuses
“ ,” said .Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In response to the numerous student protests that have heavily impacted the University of California system, the Regents of …
UCSD to Ban Witch Trials
“I hope this isn’t just a complicated spell the witches are casting,” said one student as they watched a pile of torches and pitchforks burn.Photo by …
UCSD to Acquire UTC
“Finally, another place I can spend this useless currency,” said third-year student Darlene Davidson.Photo by Liv Gilbert I n a sudden announcement affecting students, faculty, and …
