Las Vegas Consumed by Plague of Moths

Written by: Dylan Schmidt

“I was drawn to it like a moth to a… like a… like… um…” said one moth.
Photo by Dylan Schmidt

Only a few months after the Las Vegas Sphere’s grand opening, billions of moths descended upon the city, seemingly summoned by the giant, luminous ball. Both living and dead moths coat all 136 square miles of Las Vegas and adjacent towns, and those living closer to the epicenter reported that every wool sweater has been “eaten out of existence.” Local weather reports have also started including a moth index to track daily moth concentrations, measured in kilomoths per cubic inch.

The Sphere’s existence has been contentious since its opening, but recent developments have dramatically lowered public opinion of the venue. One Las Vegas local, Poe Kerr, voiced his opinion whilst scraping moth carcasses out of his car’s grille. “Oh, I hate it. I think it’s an evil shitball that attracts evil shitlings and I’d rather the whole thing just burn to the ground.” He then added that if the Sphere ever does catch fire, his prior statements were “not an admission of guilt.”

Since many have described this deluge of insects as a “plague of biblical proportions,” a few residents have begun wondering if a higher power may be responsible. One such citizen, Belle Bibb, offered her opinion. “God is punishing us for our hubris and greed. I think that the Sphere’s constant advertisements are visible from the heavens, and God doesn’t have Adblock,” said Bibb. A smattering of signs with similar ideas have appeared across Las Vegas, bearing messages such as “The End is Near,” “Karma for Sin City,” and “May God Smite the Sphere.” However, unlike Mormon crickets, the moths have not displayed any religious affiliation thus far.

A few Las Vegas inhabitants have expressed more positive views of the so-called “moth-tastrophe.” University of Nevada entomologist Moe Squito commented, “I think the moths are great! I’ve had a grand old time identifying all the little buggers that have made their way into my house. And I much prefer seeing the ball of infinite bugs than having those ads shining through my curtains,” said Squito. The decreased light pollution has also made the stars more visible to Las Vegas denizens, and suggestions have been made to designate a new moth-shaped constellation in honor of these tiny “eco warriors.”

The local government is currently working on possible solutions to the “monsoon” of moths, including the creation of an even larger sphere made of para-dichlorobenzene named 2-Sphere. In case the 2-Sphere fails, a 4-D mothball called 3-Sphere would be constructed to “get that extra dimension of protection.” In an effort to help, fans of U2, the Sphere’s resident band, have offered a unique fix. They suggested that the moths be introduced to a “fast and loose lifestyle of drugs and rock ’n’ roll,” with the hope that this plan will either significantly lower the moth population or result in the world’s first moth rockstar.

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