“Eh, I’ve seen worse,” said one particularly avid Reddit user.
Photo by Amit Roth
The UC San Diego administration announced its plans to add a new general education requirement to all colleges beginning Winter 2026. RAT 14B — Research Assistant Training, a new four-credit course with rotating content each quarter — is advertised as a “great way to gain relevant lab work experience.” The new GE is being implemented as UCSD attempts to recover lost federal funding by offering up their vast student body as “research participants.” UCSD has currently made contracts with Lockheed Martin, Johnson & Johnson, and the Department of War, receiving an undisclosed amount of money per participating student. Following outrage over the institutes’ consistent track record of human rights violations and ethical concerns, Chancellor Khosla has spoken out to defend the university’s decision. While strictly mandatory for all students, alternative ways to earn credit for this general education class include “donating a building to the university or funding a department of the student’s choosing.”
According to insider sources, the current RAT 14B course requires students to look at a “highly specialized” image developed by the Department of War. Student participants report they have suffered various symptoms since looking at the image, ranging from mild headaches to instantaneous death. The source claims that viewing this image “only” yields a 50% fatality rate.
Addressing the concerns, Khosla stated, “I don’t really see the issue here; students should be grateful for a free research opportunity they can put on their resumes. Students are aware of the potential dangers when they sign the terms and conditions by connecting to the UCSD WiFi, which includes relinquishing bodily autonomy and agreeing to arbitrate in the event of death and/ or mutilation. This is how time-honored events such as the Parking Lot Ticket Massacres and the WebReg Races are organized.”
Campus protests broke out over the addition of the new GE. An electrical engineering student said, “Another GE? We have five too many! Down with the GEs! This has nothing to do with Subjective Mathematics.” One chemistry major disagreed, saying, “I think this is a good idea. I mean, with the job market where it’s at, even being a lab rat requires experience now. I think it will be an overall boost for my resume.”
Despite the protest, Aries Pugnacious, a spokesperson for the Department of War, announced a new collaboration with the university: “We are proud to announce that students from the University of California, San Diego will now be working alongside the Supernatural Creatures Program (SCP). We require lots of manpower to run our operations, and following this year’s surplus of death and injury compensations for workers, we have opted for a cheaper and more readily available labor pool. Prior experience is not required for students working with us as they will quickly learn the ropes…or die trying.”
In addition to the new collaboration, Chancellor Khosla has announced several cost-cutting measures including: replacing all dining hall workers with “DIY” stations, retrofitting toilets into paid toilets, and paying student campus workers in “exposure” to further mitigate the damage caused by budget cuts.
