Volume 29 Issue 2
Critics Claim Lettuce Truss’ Political Career Is “Salad” After Resignation
Given economic turmoil, record low approval ratings, and the resignation of her Home Secretary, Lettuce Truss had no choice but to resign Friday, ending her historical …
Netflix to Split All of Its Content Into Smaller Channels
“Why would I want this segmented business model when I can watch entire movies in 328 shorts on TikTok?” asked Lee.Photo by Julia Wong Netflix recently …
Local Ghosts Tired of Recent Ghost hunter Paparazzi Boom
Due to a surge in paranormal activity, ghost hunters have become far more popular at UCSD, looking high and low for specters who do not wish …
Starbucks Announces Pumpkin Spice Pumpkins
“Pumpkin spice pumpkins? What’s next, pumpkin spice pumpkin spice pumpkins?” wondered one customer.Photo by Amit Roth On October 1st, Starbucks announced an addition to their highly …
Cabal Controlling Rotten Tomatoes Outed After “Black Adam” Release
Ahead of its premiere, Black Adam received a Rotten Tomatoes score of 52%. “I remember watching Man of Steel when I was eight years old. I’ve …
UCSD Dining Hall Hires Skeleton Crew
“The new employees have been really skimpy with the portions,” shared Belmont. “The burritos are bare bones.”Photo by Julia Wong Across UCSD, dining halls have struggled …
Local Man Discovers He, Too, Has Hormones
“Men have hormones?” Misenberger asked. “That’s endo-cringe.”Photo by James Woolley A mob of angry senior citizen protesters, armed with signs reading “There are only two genders” …
Vampire Appreciation Club Promotes Dress Code Change
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Romella Sagatelian During UC San Diego’s first week of instruction, …
Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister
Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …
Ninth College Construction Hits Rock Bottom
“Yeah, there were a few preventable issues,” admitted one engineer. “We probably should’ve done a dry run first.”Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego students who …
