Maria Dhilla

M. Q. Dhilla is the embodiment of the newspaper come to life, but that's a secret, so don’t effin’ snitch.

Briefs

Local Ghosts Tired of Recent Ghost hunter Paparazzi Boom

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Due to a surge in paranormal activity, ghost hunters have become far more popular at UCSD, looking high and low for specters who do not wish …

Briefs

Local Journalist Slammed for Using Snow Cones Instead of Snowclones

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San Diego journalist Canderson Hooper has come under fire for bringing snow cones to work instead of writing “mindless drivel” through using snowclones. His boss, Calter …

Features

Ask Emily Qupid

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Briefs

Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media

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Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media This past Friday, a small group of students claimed to see a lecture that has no digital recording or …

ArticlesNewsTech

Statisticians Create New Phe-Nominal Scale for Extra Special Data Points

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“Noferror’s rebuttal of my use of medians was valid, but some of the comments made by other statisticians were just plain mean,” said Stribution.Photo by Maria Dhilla …

Briefs

Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor

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Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor In what was described as a “shocking turn of events” by students, it was found that walking backwards …

Briefs

Smuckers Uncrustables Recrusted

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Smuckers Uncrustables Recrusted Smuckers has announced that their beloved Uncrustables will now be sold with crusts. This step is part of Smuckers’ vast rebranding campaign, which …

ArticlesNewsNintendo PowerSpecial IssueStraight from the Source Code

Local Potter’s Business Booming After Hero Passes Through Town

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Several days ago, a local delinquent visited Rarakiro Village in Central Myrule and smashed…

Sunday Comics

Murder Mystery

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This is the result of reading 20+ mystery novels.

ArticlesLocalNews

Medieval Times To Open Offshoot Branch Based on Roaring Twenties

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A promotional offer reads: “If you subscribe to Medieval Times’ email list, we’ll send you chain mail!”Photo by Maria Dhilla Medieval Times CEO Kenneth Kim recently announced …