Maria Dhilla
“Alien Sexist” — Kerning Mishap Leads to “UF-aux Pas”
The National Aliens in Space Administration (NASA) recently declared the existence of sentient alien life located on one of Uranus’ moons. However, the printed announcement was …
Health
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
Local Ghosts Tired of Recent Ghost hunter Paparazzi Boom
Due to a surge in paranormal activity, ghost hunters have become far more popular at UCSD, looking high and low for specters who do not wish …
Local Journalist Slammed for Using Snow Cones Instead of Snowclones
San Diego journalist Canderson Hooper has come under fire for bringing snow cones to work instead of writing “mindless drivel” through using snowclones. His boss, Calter …
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media This past Friday, a small group of students claimed to see a lecture that has no digital recording or …
Statisticians Create New Phe-Nominal Scale for Extra Special Data Points
“Noferror’s rebuttal of my use of medians was valid, but some of the comments made by other statisticians were just plain mean,” said Stribution.Photo by Maria Dhilla …
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor In what was described as a “shocking turn of events” by students, it was found that walking backwards …
Smuckers Uncrustables Recrusted
Smuckers Uncrustables Recrusted Smuckers has announced that their beloved Uncrustables will now be sold with crusts. This step is part of Smuckers’ vast rebranding campaign, which …
Local Potter’s Business Booming After Hero Passes Through Town
Several days ago, a local delinquent visited Rarakiro Village in Central Myrule and smashed…
