Millie You

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Trump Discovered to Be Immune to Every Disease, Including ‘Rule of Law’

Written by: Millie You

“That’s right,” Donald Trump said. “My bloodstream rejects all foreign bodies!”Photo by Dylan Towner and Amit Roth Last Tuesday, a “groundbreaking” medical discovery was announced by …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit vs. We Serve Cunt

Written by: Millie You

POINT: Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit Is it so bad to want for more in life? Is it such a sin to want the …

ArticlesNewsWorldwide

ExxonMobil Claims Leaving Refrigerators Open Can Solve Climate Change

Written by: Millie You

“Global warming is temporary, but commercial refrigerants are forever,” said ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In the wake of this year’s extreme weather, from …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Bacteria Don’t Deserve to Be Experimented On vs They’re Not Fucking Animals

Written by: Millie You

Point: Bacteria Don’t Deserve to Be Experimented On While PETA has devoted no small amount of time and effort to advocate for the rights of animals …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

Tom Cruise Is the Last Gen X Babygirl

Written by: Millie You

I take my coffee black with salt, carry cash, and drive a manual car. I shook hands with George Lucas once, and Al Pacino made eye …

Online Exclusive ArticlesOnline Exclusives

Furries Don’t Belong at the Met Gala vs Meow

Written by: Millie You

Is this what it’s come to? Furries at the Met Gala? Jabbering in full meow-speak, no less. To her credit, Doja Cat has always been upfront …

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Health

Written by: Sharon Roth, Elizabeth Overton, Millie You, Bitsy Hsu and Maria Dhilla

Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …

ArticlesCampusNewsPolitics

Board of Education Investigates Chromosome “Homolog Agenda” in Biology Curriculums

Written by: Millie You

“It’s Adam and Eve, not adenine and guanine,” insisted one parent.Photo by Sharon Roth Despite its widespread acceptance as part of a standard biology curriculum, parents …

ArticlesLocalNews

California Storm Drain Systems Augmented with Parched Clowns

Written by: Millie You

“I’m really glad the government started taking the flooding seriously and stopped clowning around,” said Quin.Photo by Amit Roth As California braced itself for a torrent …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Sleep Tight, Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite! vs. All Families Deserve to Be Fed

Written by: Millie You

POINT: Sleep Tight, Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite! Within a week of moving into my new home, it was evident to me that I had …