Sharon Roth

Sharon was “born” in 1801. She inspired the Archie Comics, which later inspired the hit TV show Riverdale.

Briefs

Vending Machine Haunted By Malevolent Sprite

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Gismeveldi DonCheeto, host of the podcast UCSD Ghost Hunters, claimed that the Subway vending machine on campus is haunted, describing how after only a few months …

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Lab-Grown Orange Sales Skyrocket After Blood Orange Controversy

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“Orange you glad I decided to propose?” asked one Timothy & Co customer.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In 1947, D’Orange Juice, the world’s largest orange grower and …

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Health Influencer Launches Brand of Mercury Supplements

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“Not only is this mercury great for my health, I also love the way it settles in my stomach!” exclaimed one customer.Photo by Sharon Roth Instagram …

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Study Reveals That It Can’t Get Worse

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A research paper published in the Journal of Poor Judgement and Indecision sparked hope in the scientific community after claiming that “it cannot get worse from …

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Scientist Evolves to Eat Microplastics, Becomes World’s First Human 3D Printer

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“Life in plastic — it’s fantastic,” said Dr. Gabriel Barbecue.Photo by James Woolley Last month, Dr. Gabriel Barbecue checked himself into the hospital after experiencing severe …

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Susan Bagel: Bread

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When I dream, I dream of my grandmother’s fruit bread. Every winter, she made enough loaves to feed a small village, and we feasted on the …

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Cells Have Feelings, Too

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You are made of cells. On the most fundamental level, everything is made of cells — the plants you forget to water, the mold growing on …

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SHEIN Starts Selling Clothing Made of Antimatter

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Order tracking has become complicated, as the post office cannot provide both the shipping address and delivery date.Photo by Amit Roth Fast-fashion retailer SHEIN, famous for …

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Pirate Parrots Display “Matey Dance”

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“Ahoy,” chirped the parrot, who then declined to give any further comment.Photo By Julia Wong Dr. Perry Keates, ornithologist, has spent the last 15 years studying …

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Susan Bagel: Soup

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September is the ninth month. Autumn brings with it the chill wind of changing leaves. My home is quiet with the children at school — and …