Sharon Roth
Famous Star Canceled for Creating Nuclear Power Plant
“Getting a chance to sit down and talk with the Sun was enlightening,” said one journalist. “They’re not as bright as they seem.”Photo by Sharon Roth …
Susan Bagel – Banana Water
Long, hot summer nights. The kitchen boils, and yet I must keep the stove burning to make my eleventh batch of hot banana water. The aroma …
Local Chemist Feels Out Of Her Element
Soon-to-be graduated chemistry major Keren Moth reported an ongoing chemical spill of biologically derived saline solution in Muir College. In her injury report, Moth described the …
Health
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
Vending Machine Haunted By Malevolent Sprite
Gismeveldi DonCheeto, host of the podcast UCSD Ghost Hunters, claimed that the Subway vending machine on campus is haunted, describing how after only a few months …
Lab-Grown Orange Sales Skyrocket After Blood Orange Controversy
“Orange you glad I decided to propose?” asked one Timothy & Co customer.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In 1947, D’Orange Juice, the world’s largest orange grower and …
Health Influencer Launches Brand of Mercury Supplements
“Not only is this mercury great for my health, I also love the way it settles in my stomach!” exclaimed one customer.Photo by Sharon Roth Instagram …
Scientist Evolves to Eat Microplastics, Becomes World’s First Human 3D Printer
“Life in plastic — it’s fantastic,” said Dr. Gabriel Barbecue.Photo by James Woolley Last month, Dr. Gabriel Barbecue checked himself into the hospital after experiencing severe …
Susan Bagel: Bread
When I dream, I dream of my grandmother’s fruit bread. Every winter, she made enough loaves to feed a small village, and we feasted on the …
Study Reveals That It Can’t Get Worse
A research paper published in the Journal of Poor Judgement and Indecision sparked hope in the scientific community after claiming that “it cannot get worse from …
