Study Reveals That It Can’t Get Worse


Written by: Sharon Roth

A research paper published in the Journal of Poor Judgement and Indecision sparked hope in the scientific community after claiming that “it cannot get worse from here.” The principal investigator, Giuseppe DePression, said “We have reached rock bottom, and my brain cannot wrap my mind around things being worse than they currently are.”

DePression’s team of world-class scientists ran hundreds of simulations envisioning a situation in which things got worse. “Every time we ran a simulation our supercomputers caught on fire. Once our grant funding ran out, we concluded that this is the worst things could possibly be,” mused Anne Xia-Tee, the first author on the publication. “However, as a geologist, I feel specifically equipped to study rock bottom. So to people worried that it cannot get worse, fear not. I have reached rock bottom, but I brought a shovel and I am ready to dig.”

Since releasing their findings, DePression and his colleagues have ramped up investigations about the ongoing situation. Current studies suggest that while it cannot get worse, it also cannot get better.

Graphics Editor at The MQ

Sharon was “born” in 1801. She inspired the Archie Comics, which later inspired the hit TV show Riverdale.

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