Volume 29 Issue 3


Professor Shows Subway Surfers Gameplay Videos During Lecture

Written by: Maddie Samaniego

Professor Ious is now allowing students to use Subway Surfers Coins to buy power-ups on exams.Photo by Julia Wong During this year’s winter class registration, students …


LinkedIn Announces Short-Form Video Service

Written by: Connor Betterly

“It’s so easy to make short-form video content,” said Devontre Prenuer. “Personally, I squeeze it in between my 4:30 a.m. run and my 5 a.m. meditation.”Photo …


Climate Activist Throws Taco Bell Food Items at Sun God, Students Rejoice

Written by: Matthew Ware

“Scientists have said we’ll be on a time Crunchwrap even if we act now,” explained Daniel Gould.Photo by Amit Roth This past Friday at noon, on …


Butter Flavored Vape Creates New Disease, Movie Popcorn Lung

Written by: Elizabeth Overton

“Is it salted or unsalted butter?” asked Monica Clouds. “I’m trying to watch my blood pressure.”Photo by Connor Betterly Last month, the popular e-cigarette and vape …


Leaked Internal Twitter Memo States that Elon Musk “Has No Idea What He’s Doing”

Written by: Jacob King and Everett Ririe

Reports of events at Twitter headquarters were not officially confirmed, but were verified by an anonymous Twitter employee.Photo by Julia Wong Recently, Elon Musk finalized his …


HDH Recruits Gordon Ramsay to Fix Their “Kitchen Nightmares”

Written by: Connor Betterly

“This chicken is so undercooked, it’s still crossing the road!” cried Ramsay.Photo by Julia Wong For years, students have rated their experience at the campus’ dining …


Netflix Responds to Criticism of Jeffrey Dahmer Series by Lengthening Show’s Title

Written by: Jeannie Kim

Netflix recently announced they would be partnering with Monster Energy to fund season two.Photo by Amit Roth This September, Netflix released Dahmer — Monster: The Jeffrey …


UCSD to Sell Triton2Go Boxes as Christmas Presents for Future Biologists

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala and Chris Choung

“When they said UCSD had a weird culture, this is not what I thought they meant,” said Wheatthins.Photo by Romella Sagatelian Last week, HDH announced that …


Scientist Evolves to Eat Microplastics, Becomes World’s First Human 3D Printer

Written by: Sharon Roth

“Life in plastic — it’s fantastic,” said Dr. Gabriel Barbecue.Photo by James Woolley Last month, Dr. Gabriel Barbecue checked himself into the hospital after experiencing severe …

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Susan Bagel: Bread

Written by: Sharon Roth and Theo Erickson

When I dream, I dream of my grandmother’s fruit bread. Every winter, she made enough loaves to feed a small village, and we feasted on the …