Volume 29 Issue 3


Professor Shows Subway Surfers Gameplay Videos During Lecture

Written by: Maddie Samaniego

Professor Ious is now allowing students to use Subway Surfers Coins to buy power-ups on exams.Photo by Julia Wong During this year’s winter class registration, students …


LinkedIn Announces Short-Form Video Service

Written by: Connor Betterly

“It’s so easy to make short-form video content,” said Devontre Prenuer. “Personally, I squeeze it in between my 4:30 a.m. run and my 5 a.m. meditation.”Photo …


Climate Activist Throws Taco Bell Food Items at Sun God, Students Rejoice

Written by: Watthew Mare

“Scientists have said we’ll be on a time Crunchwrap even if we act now,” explained Daniel Gould.Photo by Amit Roth This past Friday at noon, on …


Butter Flavored Vape Creates New Disease, Movie Popcorn Lung

Written by: Elizabeth Overton

“Is it salted or unsalted butter?” asked Monica Clouds. “I’m trying to watch my blood pressure.”Photo by Connor Betterly Last month, the popular e-cigarette and vape …


Leaked Internal Twitter Memo States that Elon Musk “Has No Idea What He’s Doing”

Written by: Jacob King and Everett Ririe

Reports of events at Twitter headquarters were not officially confirmed, but were verified by an anonymous Twitter employee.Photo by Julia Wong Recently, Elon Musk finalized his …


HDH Recruits Gordon Ramsay to Fix Their “Kitchen Nightmares”

Written by: Connor Betterly

“This chicken is so undercooked, it’s still crossing the road!” cried Ramsay.Photo by Julia Wong For years, students have rated their experience at the campus’ dining …

Top Ten

Top Ten Band Names

Written by: The MQ


UCSD Announces New “DILF”-Focused Research Center to Promote Equality

Written by: Katie Campbell

“This project has fathered many other studies,” said Simgod Friend.Photo by James Woolley Following the reveal of the Human Milk Institute, UCSD announced the Human Observation …


UC on Day seven of Not Understanding the Point of a Union

Written by: Jacob King

For the past week, a coalition of four unions representing academic workers across the UC system went on strike due to the university’s unlawful bargaining practices. …


Ticketmaster CEO to Open New Company: Masterticket

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

Last week, millions of Swifties experienced “several bear attacks” as they attempted to buy tickets for Taylor Swift’s upcoming tour, Eras. As a result of the …