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LinkedIn Announces Short-Form Video Service

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“It’s so easy to make short-form video content,” said Devontre Prenuer. “Personally, I squeeze it in between my 4:30 a.m. run and my 5 a.m. meditation.”
Photo by Julia Wong

Following trends in the industry and declining attention spans in the populace, the social media platform LinkedIn announced its own short-form video service this week, which will launch next month. Known as LinkedIn Intros, this service allows people to share portrait-oriented videos to an audience outside of their normal sphere of connections.

“Networking with other professionals has always been difficult,” said LinkedIn CEO Dylan Dyslansky. “Intros will allow people the chance to put themselves out there. In fact, the Intros service is so important, we will make it the default page that anyone sees when logging in, and focus 110% of our engineering talent on making it the best experience possible.”

“Whenever I apply for a job, I always feel like I’m sending my résumé out into the abyss,” said Gibb Jobs. “Let’s see if I have any luck getting in front of recruiters with this new service!” He then went to make his initial Intro, but got distracted and started to comment on his friend’s post about a “new business opportunity where I get to be my own boss” which advised viewers to “let me know if you too want to achieve financial freedom selling dreams!”

“I go through a lot of résumés,” said Reece Cruiter, who describes himself on his LinkedIn profile as the “Senior Assistant Regional Manager of Excellence in Strategic Solutions Talent Sourcing, Acquisition, and Operations.” Cruiter continued, saying, “Too many résumés, really. Whenever I get a new stack, I toss the top half in the recycling; we only want applicants who are lucky. But now, the algorithm will take care of that for me! I can’t wait to spend a bunch of time mindlessly looking at the Intros tagged with .”

Self-described “LinkedInfluencer” Devontre Prenuer was enthused at the announcement, saying, “Dude, this is my time to shine! I want to show people how to make passive income with digital tools. I’m self-employed, not unemployed. I strive for success! Everything you learn in school is a lie. I can’t wait to post a short of me in front of this Lamborghini I rented telling people to ‘embrace the grind.’ All you need is a vision. What, that didn’t make you immediately want to, um, link in with me?”

“This idea is really, just, ingenuine. Er, I mean, ingenious!” said LinkedIn poweruser and subscriber to LinkedIn Premium Harry Hazelnose. He immediately took to the platform to continue, commenting, “I can’t imagine how they had this unique idea. I’m also super grateful for the opportunities and experiences LinkedIn has given me. I’d like to thank everyone who got me here, as well as all of the software engineers that developed this tool.”

Upon hearing of the Intros announcement, manager Buzz Werdz said, “I was just saying that this sort of thing needed to become a core competency for LinkedIn. Well done pivoting to an agile solution that uses Big Data and Machine Learning. Intros is a game changer — this innovation will really disrupt the industry.” A connection of his, Ving Mann, said, “This is so true. Please reach out — we should totally circle back on this when you have the bandwidth. Perhaps we could advance this using blockchain technology?”

“I’m so glad we get to share this new product with all of our valued users,” said a spokesperson for LinkedIn. “But we aren’t done innovating yet. All I can say is that if you like using LinkedIn in the real world, you’re going to love using it in the Metaverse.”

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