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ArticlesCampusNews

Professor Shows Subway Surfers Gameplay Videos During Lecture

Written by: Maddie Samaniego

Professor Ious is now allowing students to use Subway Surfers Coins to buy power-ups on exams.Photo by Julia Wong During this year’s winter class registration, students …

ArticlesNewsTech

LinkedIn Announces Short-Form Video Service

Written by: Connor Betterly

“It’s so easy to make short-form video content,” said Devontre Prenuer. “Personally, I squeeze it in between my 4:30 a.m. run and my 5 a.m. meditation.”Photo …

ArticlesCampusNews

Climate Activist Throws Taco Bell Food Items at Sun God, Students Rejoice

Written by: Matthew Ware

“Scientists have said we’ll be on a time Crunchwrap even if we act now,” explained Daniel Gould.Photo by Amit Roth This past Friday at noon, on …

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Butter Flavored Vape Creates New Disease, Movie Popcorn Lung

Written by: Elizabeth Overton

“Is it salted or unsalted butter?” asked Monica Clouds. “I’m trying to watch my blood pressure.”Photo by Connor Betterly Last month, the popular e-cigarette and vape …

ArticlesNewsTech

Leaked Internal Twitter Memo States that Elon Musk “Has No Idea What He’s Doing”

Written by: Jacob King and Everett Ririe

Reports of events at Twitter headquarters were not officially confirmed, but were verified by an anonymous Twitter employee.Photo by Julia Wong Recently, Elon Musk finalized his …

ArticlesCampusNews

HDH Recruits Gordon Ramsay to Fix Their “Kitchen Nightmares”

Written by: Connor Betterly

“This chicken is so undercooked, it’s still crossing the road!” cried Ramsay.Photo by Julia Wong For years, students have rated their experience at the campus’ dining …

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Domino’s Announces New Delivery Service

Written by: The MQ

Pizza Hut topples the competition

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Congress Announces a Bipartisan Skincare Line

Written by: Romella Sagatelian

“Wearing this skincare product makes me feel 40 years younger. I might even start voting Democrat again,” testified Senator McConnell.Photo by Julia Wong House Speaker Nancy …

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New Apple Variety Developed

Written by: The MQ

Red vicious

ArticlesCampusNews

Student Explodes After Discovering They’re An Extra on The Truman Show

Written by: Theo Erickson

“What? It was time to BeReal,” said Snot.Photo by Sharon Roth A large commotion that “wasn’t a fire alarm for once” was reported by Sixth College …