Jacob King

Briefs

DeSantis “Lost in Space” After Disastrous Second Campaign Re-Announcement

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Following the backlash from his original presidential campaign announcement, Governor Ron DeSantis reportedly “fell off the face of the Earth,” neither appearing publicly nor reporting to …

ArticlesNationalNews

US Army Brings ROTC to Preschools

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After two weeks of basic combat training, new BIB recruits will be expected to complete two weeks of intensive potty training.Photo by Amit Roth Over the …

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Retropolitan

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Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …

ArticlesNewsTech

Google Lays Off Entire In-House Circus

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“I’ve been searching and searching for a job, but I think I’ve just lost my drive,” said Willow.Photo by Amit Roth Citing recent economic troubles, Google …

ArticlesNewsTech

Next-Gen Game’s $70 Price Tag Effective at Raising Executive’s Bank Balance

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“They said we couldn’t make video games that cost $70, but the yolk’s on them,” said Edwin.Photo by Amit Roth Since the release of the PlayStation …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

If You Really Think About It, Life Is Just a Game as a Service

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I remember when the first arcades opened. My brother would spend hours in them, coming home late at night on an empty stomach after turning his …

ArticlesNewsTech

Leaked Internal Twitter Memo States that Elon Musk “Has No Idea What He’s Doing”

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Reports of events at Twitter headquarters were not officially confirmed, but were verified by an anonymous Twitter employee.Photo by Julia Wong Recently, Elon Musk finalized his …

Briefs

UC on Day seven of Not Understanding the Point of a Union

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For the past week, a coalition of four unions representing academic workers across the UC system went on strike due to the university’s unlawful bargaining practices. …

Briefs

Cabal Controlling Rotten Tomatoes Outed After “Black Adam” Release

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Ahead of its premiere, Black Adam received a Rotten Tomatoes score of 52%. “I remember watching Man of Steel when I was eight years old. I’ve …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister

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Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …