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Leaked Internal Twitter Memo States that Elon Musk “Has No Idea What He’s Doing”

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Reports of events at Twitter headquarters were not officially confirmed, but were verified by an anonymous Twitter employee.Photo by Julia Wong Recently, Elon Musk finalized his …

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Timothée Chalamet Goes Outside, Buys Milk

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“I can’t believe he bought cow’s milk,” declared Lamborda. “I’m still a fan, but just a little bit less.”Photo by Julia Wong This morning, Timothée Chalamet …

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CHIPS and Science Act Relieves Salsa Surplus

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“I don’t know why everybody keeps talking about Taiwan,” said Jaquelin Schwarz. “I think Mexico has the best chips.Photo by Julia Wong Months after the passage …

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“The Mona Lisa Isn’t Even That Great” vs. “So Make Something Better”

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Point: The Mona Lisa Isn’t Even That Great Ah, the Louvre: the most famous art museum in the world. Why? Sure, it has more paintings than …

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Cold Fusion Debate Gets Heated

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Cold Fusion Debate Gets Heated Cold fusion, a hypothetical type of fusion occurring at room temperature as opposed to the temperature of the sun, is sought …

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SDPD Uncovers Cannibal Cult

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“I don’t need a vaccine to protect me; I have diamond armor,” wrote @fathogjones on Twitter.Photo by Sharon Roth On Sunday, May 29, a squad of …

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It’s Not Easy Being White

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Every day I hear people saying things like, “white isn’t a color,” “white is just the absence of color,” “you can’t even see white, you just …

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Is it Ever Okay – Spaghetti

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How can I politely inform my daughter that she will go to Hell for putting ketchup on spaghetti?– DISAPPOINTED DEIRDRA A spicy nine-layered dip is an …

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Sabastian Tonne – Kindergartner

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Two months ago, I surprised my classmates by paying off their school lunch debts, a total of over eight thousand dollars — my entire five-year-old life’s …

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Yes, I Am, in Fact, God.

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Hello mortals, it’s Me: your God. My name was once Ronald Jameson and I was a student like yourself. Unlike yourself, however, I was a highly-gifted …