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For the past week, a coalition of four unions representing academic workers across the UC system went on strike due to the university’s unlawful bargaining practices. Despite the union’s clear messaging about the necessity of their demands, UC representatives are struggling to figure out “where all the workers went.”

“I’m really not sure what is going on,” said UC representative Gilbert Godwin. “All these people who work for us are now not working and just making a lot of noise. We pay them money, let them pay rent in the apartments we built and give them access to a food pantry. What more do they want?”

“We’d never thought they’d go on strike,” said UC spokesperson U.N. Buster. “It just seemed like a nice club where all the workers were joining a community that sometimes asked us for better conditions. We would just say no and that would be that. I wish they would just do that instead of using their power to actually enact change.”

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